▶ Your Answer :
Some people think it’s
more important to support the arts than to protect the environment. However, in
my opinion, a company should give priority to preserving the environment rather
than developing the arts. for the following reasons.
To begin with, investing
in the arts only can’t contribute to the very arts conclusively if irrespective
of environment. (이 부분은 무슨 뜻인가요? 뭐라고 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 잘 모르겠습니다) To illustrate, in my city, a municipal art museum has been
constructed in a greenbelt zone in spite of (the?) the strong opposition. Manifold
flora and fauna lost their own habitats and left, subsequently, the surroundings has gone to ruin as the surroundings have been ruined.
Of course, no one was willing to visit and exhibit their works in there. On the
other hand, one company built a park a decade ago which was used to be a
landfill. It became popular to citizens immediately, and recently it is
determined to exhibit artistic sculptures and to build a gallery. In other
words, it kills two birds with one stone.
On top of that, not
keeping the environment violates both human environmental and health rights.
Environmental rights are one of human basic rights, demonstrating that people
must afford to access and capitalize on environmental resources like clean
water, air, and food from nature. Let’s say about health rights. Environmental destruction
for the arts can let people in jeopardy as disease and accidents, threatening threaten their well-being. Two rights I mentioned are human fundamental rights, which
must be guaranteed prior to the arts.
To sum up, the environment
is a leading point that can keep the human rights as well as the arts. In this
regard, a company should make an investment in conserving the environment rather
than in backing the arts. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 글의 논점을 알 수 가 잘 없었던 독립형 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 특히 두 번째 바디에서 이러한 부분이 보였는 데. 이유는 구체적인 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 왜 인권이 지켜줘야하는 지에 대한 설명이 부족한 거 같습니다. 이와 마찬가지로 첫 번째 바디에서도 개연성이 부족해 보입니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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