▶ Your Answer :
383 words Undoubtedly, social media plays a significant role in people’s
daily lives in many of the places where people work or play. Some people think
that keeping a public record of people’s personal lives on social networking
sites is beneficial, while others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons
to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that it is
advantageous for people to post their personal lives on social media for the
following subsequent reasons.
First of all, sharing our daily lives enables people to
relieve their stress because it can attract many attentions from others who may
watch our activities on social media. Since visitors to the site will give many
“Likes” to the post, the uploader people who upload can feel much like many people are supporting
him or her. Therefore, it will help him or her to get rid of much stress. For
example, I usually share many photos on my Facebook to have many “Likes” from
my friends. This behavior allows me to pay more attention to take exciting
pictures and leads to go go to exotic regions. When I experience these activities,
I effectively reduce my stress gotten from my workplace. Without this online
activity, I would not have relieved my stress a lot.
On top of that, when we share our pictures or videos about
our lives, we can communicate with other people more actively and easily. Since
people these days have own accounts on social media and like to talk about
recently uploaded photos or videos, we are likely to talk to their friends or
family via these media more frequently. For instance, a study conducted by
Tokyo University has shown that 85 percent of young adults have their social
media accounts on Twitter and Facebook. Furthermore, Two-thirds of them concurrently
post pictures of their daily lives and communicate with friends throughout messengers
provided by each medium. This implies that sharing our lives via social
networking sites may enables enable us to communicate others more frequently.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the
advantages of posting about personal life on social media far outweigh its
disadvantages for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, communicating
with other people through social media cannot be underestimated in pursuit of
happiness in our lives. Good:24~30 점수: 27 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 이 에세이에서 칭찬하고 싶은 부분이 세 가지 가 됩니다. 일단 첫 번째는 자신이 무엇을 서술하고 있는지를 잘 알 고 있는 거 같습니다. 각 이유에 대해서 구체적으로 왜 본인이 이러한 생각을 가지고 있는 지를 잘 보여주고 잇는 거 같습니다. 두 번째는 논리적인 부분입니다. 각 단락의 적절한 예시와 구체적인 설명을 통해서 논리적으로 에세이를 잘 풀어나갓습니다. 마지막은 문법적 오류가 별로 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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