Word power가 좋으시네요. 하지만, 표현력을 좀 더 기르시는게 좋을 듯 합니다.
근데 처음 쓰시는 글 맞아요?!? 디게 잘쓰셨는데..
# 008 : It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
Since when we were kid, we have leant lots of knowledge from books. But we can also gain knowledge through experiences and reading books. Even though both methods are good ways to get knowledge, in my opinion, it is more important source to gain knowledge from experience.
1) we were kid -> we were kids
2) but은 등위접속사입니다. 등위접속사란 단어와 단어, 구와 구, 절과 절, 문장과 문장을 연결해주는 역할을 합니다. 따라서, 앞 문장과 뒷 문자을 연결할 때는 but을 쓰지만 소정님께서 쓰신 것처럼 문장을 시작하는 역할(문두에 나오는 것)은 할 수 없습니다. 또한, 글의 두 번째 문장에서 벌써 but이 나오니까 상당히 어색해 보입니다.
3) But we can also gain knowledge through experiences and reading books -> However, I do not find that reading books is the only way that we can gain knowledge. Rather, I believe that we can learn a lot from experiences as well.
4) get는 너무 구어적인 표현이 아닐까 싶습니다. formal한 글에서는 좀 어색해 보이네요.
5) it is more important source to gain knowledge from experience. 라는 문장은 문법이 틀린 것 같습니다. 마치 가주어(it)와 진주어를 쓰신 것 같은데, 진주어가 없네요. it를 그냥 대명사라고 본다면 it가 받아주는 명사도 없고요. 그냥 experience is a more important source ... 라고 쓰심이 어떨까요.
On the one hand, some people say that books are more important source of gaining knowledge. Of course, books are very precious and important source as the saying goes, “The Book is provision of mind”. As we can see, there are lots of great men’s maxims about importance of reading book as the way of gain knowledge. We can get a huge amount of knowledge on wide horizon such as science, history, law and so on. Even we can get others idea from his essay. Actually, nowadays in Korea, the government has started campaign to reading books for 10 minutes every morning. Obviously, we can’t ignore the importance of books as the way to get information and knowledge.
1) about importance -> about the importance
2) the way of gain knowledge -> the way of gaining knowledge (전치사 + 동명사)
3) others idea -> other ideas
4) his essay 라뇨? he 가 누구죠? essay는 또 갑자기 왜 나온거죠?
5) started campaign -> started a campaign
6) started a campaign to reading books 가 맞는 표현인지...started a campaign which promotes people to read books ... 가 더 클리어하지 않을까 싶은데...
On the other hand, I think that it is more important source to get knowledge from experience than from reading books. Some people say that the theory or knowledge from books are academic. There is a anecdote which speaks about it that a repair man even who was illiterate repaired a pipe more quickly than the famous professor of architecture. The reason was that the professor spent whole time to apply the theory. Actually, in so many expert fields such as medicinal or legal field, they require the career then the academic background. That’s why the doctor serves their internship for several years. Moreover knowledge have got from books are not mine. We can make it into ours through practice it ourselves.
1) 가주어 진주어를 it와 from으로 할 수는 없습니다. 그냥 experiences are a more important source to get knowledge than reading books are. 라고 쓰면 의미가 좀 더 명확해 지지 않을까 싶습니다.
2) the theory라고 하니까 "어떤 특정 책에 수록된 어떤 특정 이론"같은 느낌이 듭니다. the theories라고 복수로 표현해 주는게 조금 더 낫지 않을까요?
3) 그냥 academic이라고 하시기 보다는, 소정님의 생각을 좀 더 확실히 전달하기 위해서, purely academic 이라든가 only too academic 은 어떨까요?
4) There is a anecdote -> There is an anecdote
5) which speaks about it that 도 이상합니다. 그냥 There is an anecdote that ~ 이라고 하셔도 충분하지 않을까요.
6) even의 위치가 틀렸네요. 게다가, even을 굳이 꼭 써야하는 상황이 아닌듯? 게다가, a repair man even who was illiterate 라고 장황하게 말하기 보다는 그냥 간단하게 an illeterate repair man 이라고 쓰셔도 좋겠죠...
7) medical or legal field를 they라고 받으신 것 같은데, 이상합니다. they라는 막연한 주어를 쓰시는 것 보다는, 수동태를 쓰시는 것이 좋을 듯 합니다.
8) Moreover knowledge -> Moreover, knowledge
9) have got from 은 능동형입니다. "책에서 획득된"이라는 수동의 의미를 주어야 하므로, knowledge attained from 이 더 좋을 것 같습니다.
10) through practice it ourselves. -> through practicing it ourselves.
Of course, the importance of books should not be underestimated. But all things considered, I think in point of gain knowledge, experiences are more important source than books. The world is wide and we can get so many new information throughout the world. We should not fasten on the theory as the saying goes, “Theory and practice do not always go hand in hand.”
1) I think in point of gain knowledge -> I think, in terms of gaining knowledge
2) 세상은 TV가 아니잖아요 -_-;;; wide는 좀 그런데...
3) so many new information ... information은 many가 아니라 much겠죠.