▶ Your Answer :
Some people maintain that people do not have to do
things that they do not (like to) enjoy. From my perspective, however, most (of)
people in the world are dealing with tasks that
they are reluctant to do. (living with the things they do not like to do
as they have to do.) In this essay, I will present three reasons to support my
idea.
First of all, it
is necessary to go to school for (a lot of) children to get an education. (and
raise social ability.) For example, when I
was in elementary school, I really did not want to go to school because I was
more interested in playing than studying. (in the school.) At that time, it was seriously hard for me because a lot of my
friends studied hard to compete with others.
(their friends) They did a lot of extracurricular
activities after school (went many academy) to get into prestige
middle school even if they were young. However, I knew that they did not like to go to
school either and they were doing what they were
doing because their parents made them do it. (like me yet did it because
It was necessary for their future.)
Secondly, as people have to make money
to live (feed themselves and enjoy
entertainment), most (of) adults get a job even if
they do not like to do. (What I mean is that) For
example, my older sister who is 22
years old (have doing) has a part time job. (to
make her spending money.) She is tutoring students
and she is struggling with dealing with tough students and parents. She is
working because she needs money, not because she enjoys tutoring. (Even
though she got into high valued university so she does not need to get a job,
she teaches students to make money and seems really busy and does not happy
with that without getting the money from student's parent.) From this, I realized (figured out) that a lot of people do
their job they even if do not like it.
Finally, people have to do their
housing chores since most people cannot afford to
hire a housekeeper. (they do not like to do because most of people are
not able to afford to employ person who will do it for them.) For instance, I
grew up with my four siblings who are really
lazy. We still do not like to do the chores such as cleaning the house, cooking, and doing laundry. We often have fights about chores since none of us wants
to do it. When it is my turn to do some
housework, I realize that it is not easy to do what you do not enjoy. (As
It seems simple to do, but we often fight because of it. When we were having
argument about it, I thought that It is not easy to do the things that I do not
like but I have to do.)
In a nutshell, (my contention is that) many people have to do things even though they really hate to do them because of the reasons I mentioned above. Therefore,
I strongly believe that people all sometimes do what they don’t
enjoy. (various reasons. As we can see in this essay.)
Writing Score (0-30): 17-18
Score (0-5): 2.50-2.75
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이 많았습니다. 방향은 잘 잡으신 것 같은데 설득력 있게 풀어 쓰질 못하신 것 같습니다. 전반적으로 더 많은 공부가 필요한 듯 해 보입니다. 수고하셨어요.
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