▶ Your Answer :
There are many people who run their own stores or businesses. Their children
are affected by their parents’ occupation. (them
for sure.) I personally agree that it is beneficial for children to have a job
that is similar to their parents’. There are
two compelling reasons for my argument.
First, children are influenced
by their parents. It is easier to gain knowledge of what their parents do. By learning what their parents do, children could become interested in it. Also, the first job that
the children get to know about is their
parents’ job. To illustrate my statement, I would like to talk about my
personal experience. My mom manages money in the office. She gives salaries to
the employees and sets the budget for the
company. When I had a problem deciding my future job or major, my mother explained
her work and how to manage money. Then I became interested in managing money. Hence,
nowadays I want to be a banker. (work in the
bank.)
Second, only family members
can trust each other when people have to inherit a
huge company. In the influential company, there is
always competition among people. They want
to own the company and be a boss. In most
companies, the children of the executives inherit
the company (to their children). This happens
not only in a company, but also in a country. North Korea, for instance, has been ruled by the Kim dynasty for a long time.
(they keep inherit the country to their children.) It is because they do not
want someone else to change their government
system. They only trust each other. If
someone is against them
or the government, that person is to be
purged. (them they killed him or her.)
In summary, considering the
influence of their parents, (and inherit the
company as a reasons,) I indeed agree with the statement proposed.
Writing Score (0-30): 17-20
Score (0-5): 2.50-3.00
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이
많습니다. 글이 짧고 설득력이 부족합니다. 전반적으로 더
많은 공부가 필요합니다. 수고하셨습니다.