▶ Your Answer : Most of the colleges in kKorea have the students do volunteer work. It’s because they firmly believe that there are a lot of advantages to do. In my case, I had to join the volunteer program in my college. and At first, I did not don’t like to join it at first time. At that time, I thought the mandatory volunteer work was not isn’t helpful for the students to improve their real volunteer mind. However, after doing the volunteer work, my views on this issue was changed because I found there were a lot of merits. First, mandatory volunteer work enables the students to have various and invaluable experiences they could not experience hadn’t experienced in their class; meeting new kind of people, working in the new field they have not hadn’t thought about before, learning the way to help other people and feeling worth from doing volunteer work. I think the best goal of the education is making the students work for and with the other people in our society and following this view, volunteer work is the best course that colleges can make. When I was a freshman in my college, I worked as a volunteer at the shop that spent spends most of their incomes on helping homeless people. I felt that system to help other people was interesting because either customers and sellers could can be help other people just by buying or selling items. I learned there were a lot of ways to volunteer and it wasn’t too hard to work. After that work, I really reallly got into this business that can help the weak. Furthermore, volunteer work can make people get into other volunteer work even if it was a mandatory. Many people who objected to the mandatory volunteer work might maintain that it wasn’t helpful for the students to be interested in helping the weak. It’s because the way to force them to do it can make them think this work isn’t worth. However, it is not true. Most of my friends who volunteer even without their will willing said that they could have a interest about another volunteer work. One of my friends, Eun-ji actually started another volunteer work after finishing her work. She wasn’t the one who had experienced volunteer work before as well as had no or had a interest in that field. Originally she worked as a volunteer at the shop where I worked, and then after finishing this work, she wanted to work at the place she can help kids. It’s because when she volunteered, she found out the fact she was interested in child children problem. She sometimes says me that she could learn how worth it is worth to help others the other because of that volunteer work. 봉사활동에 관심을 갖게 된다는 것이 왜 '의무적으로 시켜야 할' 이유가 되는지 잘 모르겠어요. 학생들에게 대학이 의무적으로 봉사활동을 시킴으로써 얻게 되는 장점이 제시되어야 하는데, '처음에 억지로 해도 나중에는 더 관심갖게 된다'라는 식의 내용은 이점이라고 보기는 어렵습니다. 졸업 후 사회로 나가야 하는 학생들이 봉사활동을 통해 사회가 어떻게 굴러가는지 볼 수 있게 된다거나, 사회구조에 대한 관심을 더 갖게되어서 도움이 된다거나 하는 식으로 좀 더 학생에게 이점이 되는 내용에 중점을 두고 풀어주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
[결론 문단 만들어주세요]
Comment : 학교에서 봉사활동을 의무적으로 시키는 게 필요하다고 보는 입장이므로 '장점'이 명확해야 논리를 잘 풀어낼 수 있어요. 시야가 넓어진다거나 사회공헌에 관심을 갖는 어른으로 성장하는 데 도움을 준다거나 하는 식으로 장점이 되는 것을 명확하게 한 키워드로 정리해서 본론 문단을 구성하면 논리 전달이 좀 더 용이할 수 있습니다. 연습 시간 잘 분배하셔서 답안 제출 전에 오탈자나 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |