저는 내용을 논하기 이전에 일단 문법을 중시하는 사람이라서...
Some people prefer to enjoy change and they seek new experiences. However, living in the same way as it always has been is better for me because this unchanging life is more stable than changing life.
(원문) the way that I did => I did the way? 말이 좀 안되네요.
Some people enjoy changes in their lives. Predictable life is sometimes boring but changing life is not so, because the change gives people excitement. This kind of life is always new and it makes people try to other things which people could not do before. In addition, new experiences give people give a good opportunity to meet other people. One of my friends likes this kind of life. She always goes outside to find new hobbies and new people. She is satisfied with her life that is full of the excitement.
On the other hand, I prefer to keep my usual habits because unchanging life is more stable than changing life. New and different situations make people get stress because the new situations sometimes make people unable to concentrate on the basic life. For accepting the new situations, people have to change their schedules and the changing from the new schedule makes people be confused about their daily life plan. For instance, when I decided to exercise more, then I could not take care of my children anymore. Caring my children is one of my important jobs but I could not fully pay attention to this. As a result, I was under stress.
Some people enjoy changes in their lives because the change gives them excitement. However, I prefer to do not change my usual habits because staying the same way is more stable and changing life makes people unable to concentrate on their basic lives.
make people cannot 은 말이 안됩니다. 그리고, I prefer to do not change도 말이 안되는데, 뭐라 바꿔야 할 지 딱히 생각이 안떠오르네요.
전반적인 글의 느낌은 '설득력이 없다'입니다. 구성도 이상하고요.
[ 서론 ]
어떤 사람들은 변화를 즐기는데, 난 옛날 방식 그대로 사는게 더 안정적이어서 좋다.
[ 본론1 ]
변화는 사람들에게 excitement를 주고 새로운 것을 준다. 내 친구를 봐라. 그런 생활에 만족해 한다.
[ 본론 2 ]
반면에 나는 그대로가 좋다. 변화는 스트레스다. 내가 운동 더 하니까 애를 못챙기게 되고 스트레스를 받지 않느냐.
[ 결론 ]
변화를 좋아하는 사람도 있지만, 난 싫다.