It is often said that traditional school is more beneficial. Some people support this idea by saying that students can interact with their peers and teachers. While this is partially true, I believe that learning at home is much better choice. The rationale behind this is that not only can students save their time, but also they can learn regardless of distance. Additionally, all the learners can get an equal chance of getting good education.
~is much better choice~ 이 구문, is 후에 a를 빼먹지 마시구요. 중요한 것은 better choice - 하고 바로 끝나버리면 너무나 어색한 문장이 된다는 점이죠. better 가 비교급 용법으로 쓰였기 때문에, 무엇무엇 보다~ 라는 구문이 들어가 주셔야 완전한 문장이 되겠습니다. 문법 상으로는 맞는 말이지만요.
~learn regardless of distance~ 거리에 관계 없이 공부할 수 있다라는 뜻인 듯 한데요... learn은 우선, 배우다 라는 뜻을 가졌기 때문에, study 라는 자동사로 고쳐주어야 맞습니다. 집에서 혼자 공부하는 것이지 그것을 다른사람에게서 배움을 당하는 것은 아니기 때문이죠. ^^;
~additionally~ 대신에 ~by doing this~ 을 써주시는게 더욱 좋지 않나요. 이건 순전히 제 의견입니다만. ^^;;;
Above all, online courses enable students to save their precious time. Because they do not have to wake up in the morning, get prepared to take a bus to school, and return to home, they can spend that "lost-time" improving their academic skills and reviewing materials. When I was in college, I took writing class by the Internet in the comfort my home. I could listen to the lecture while eating my breakfast and drinking coffee. Moreover, I could set aside a great amount of time for going over the contents I covered that day. Judging from my personal experience, it is clear that learners do not have to squander their time unnecessarily when they take courses via the Internet.
Because 다음의 절이 너무 길죠. 조금 줄여주셔야 단정하게 되겠습니다. 그 절을 한문장으로 줄인다면 get prepared to go to school 이 가장 적절할듯 싶네요.
~The internet~ 이 아닙니다! ~internet~ 입니다!
~in the comfort my home~ 무슨 뜻인지 짐작조차 가질 않네요...
On top of that, students who live far way from tradition schools are able to attend online classes. As the world is changing at a fast rate, it is insufficient to rely merely on the traditional schools and teachers, if students want to get more information. To solve this predicament, online courses are available to learners who lives anywhere in the world. For instance, these days, I am enjoying connecting to web-sites of American universities, such as Harvard and Princeton. There are a tremendous number of studying materials up-loaded on the webs, and I can listen to all of them just with a click of a mouse. Although I live in Korea, I am very satisfied with the contents which are distributed by those webs. This example obviously demonstrates my point that learners living in a remote area are also allowed to take courses through the Internet.
~if students want to get more information~ -> ~if students want to get more knowledge~ 나 ~ if students want to study more~ 가 좋습니다. information은요, 어떤 한가지에 관한 짤막한 정보입니다 .말그대로 정보죠. 공부는 지식이라고 봅니다.
~up-loaded~ -> ~uploaded~
~webs~ -> ~web~
~by those webs~ -> ~by those websites~
Finally, all the students can get many equal chances of getting quality education. Since those who are poor enough not to pay expensive tuition fees and extra costs such as transportation, books, and meals, can enjoy same quality of education in the method of home-learning. For example, three years ago, Korea administration of education and human resources decided to strengthen the courses through online and television, in an attempt to distribute equal opportunity to every student of the nation. This has increased the average academic grades of learners through the country, and many parents and students feel contented with this new education environment. We can see the fact that remote learning is very advantageous for all the students in this instance.
~quality education~ 주어, 주어 ? 맞지 않죠. 형용사 주어 형태로 바꿔줍시다. ~qualified education~ 되겠네요.
~through the country~ 나라를 통해서라는 뜻은 이때 throughout 이라는 전치사를 사용해야 합니다. ~throughout the country~
To sum up, I strongly argue that studying at home with a variety of instruments such as the Internet and television has much potential in the future. This is because the modern technology enables students to save time, take many courses without worrying about distance, and get an educational chance equally. All in all, we need to choose this beneficial way of educating our children in order to reap a great number of advantages it gives.
안녕하세요. 지니입니다. 제가 한국에 돌아온 이후로 해커스에 쉽게 돌아오지 못했었어요.
학교도 중간고사가 끝났고 해서, 뻘쭘하니 얼굴 내밀어 봅니다. 반겨주ㅅ..세요..?ㅠㅠ
지금은 12시 자정이 되어가고 있어요. 저는 내일 학교를 위해서 잠자리에 들어야 겠네요.
다시 활동 재개 하겠습니다 ^ㅡ^ |