▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that extended family is becoming important these days. However, I personally disagree with the above idea and believe have a opposite opinion that the importance of extended family is becoming less important. This is because a lot of people nowadays prefer living alone to getting along living with their family altogether and even when they get in trouble, they usually tend to ask friends. In this regard, I firmly believe that extended family is not critical compared to the past for the reason I mentioned above. > 엔터로 스페이싱을 해주세요 Fisrt First of all, I give you my personal story as an example of this. when I was an elementary school student, I lived with my grandparents and aunts in an apartment. we used to talk to each other one and another and even consulted one and another about with personal problems. when I had a hard time to adapting to school due to my passive personality, my grandmother gave me advice regarding how to adapt to school and make friends. wWith the help of my grandmother who really helped me find the solution, I could immediately get back on track. However, now I live alone. This is because society trend has changed compared to the past, a lot of people would like to live alone due to as it is more convenient and comfortable. This fact demonstrates that the importance of extended family is becoming less important.
> 엔터로 스페이싱을 해주세요 Also, let me bring up an objective example of this. According to a study done by the Korean Board of Education, the researchers tracked the habits of 2000 middle school students over a 2 year period. what they found was intriguing. The student Students who were seeking for advice when in trouble tended to ask their close friends, teachers and seniors at school rather than their family members for advice when they were in trouble. The reason was that the time they spent spend with their family members was significantly less compared to the students in the past life pattern. So Thus, family members could not understand their predicament better. This study demonstrates that the role of extended family is diminishing these days. In this regard, I firmly believe that the importance of extended family is significantly decreasing.
Score: 13 Comments: - 전체적인 구조를 잘 잡아주세요. 서론-본론1-본론2-결론으로 해주시고 단락과 단락 사이에는 들여쓰기나 엔터로 스페이싱을 해주셔야 합니다. - 예시로 paragraph를 절대 시작하지 마세요. paragraph의 첫번째 줄은 topic sentence여야 합니다. 현재 구조를 서론-예시1-예시2-결론 이런식으로 잡아주신 것 같아요. 다음에 쓰실 때는 서론(주장 소개)-이유1(예시 포함해서 설명)-이유2(예시 포함해서 설명)-결론 이렇게 해주세요. - extended family는 할아버지 할머니 삼촌 고모 이모 등입니다. A lot of people nowadays prefer living alone은 요즘 사람들이 왜 extended family를 중요하게 여기지 않는지에 대한 이유가 될 수 없습니다. They usually ask friends for help도 마찬가지입니다. |