▶ Your Answer : Without doubt, the fare cost for public transportations transportation (transportation은 셀 수 없는 단어이기 때문에 s를 붙이면 안됩니다) plays a crucial roll in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think the government should cover the fare cost for subways and buses, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that the government should spend money on developing public transportations transportation. There are several reasons one reason (바디가 하나밖에 주어지지 않았기 때문에 several 보다는 하나의 이유라고 하는게 더 좋습니다) and examples as follows. To begin with, when the government covers the fare cost for buses and subways, it can prevent climate changes. The provision of more convenient and zero-fare public transit system encourages people to commute by bus or subway instead of their individual cars. Less usage of their cars is likely to reduce the emission of harmful gases that change weather patterns. For example, recently in the United States, Texas suffered from unexpected massive flooding, leading to property demage damage and thousands of deaths. This event was a very rare phenomenon for a state known for its dry weather. Many experts are linking link this event to the increase in CO2 caused by driving cars. Their argument is based on the fact that the number of cars has been increasing tremendously. To be specific, cars account for nearly one-fifth of U.S. gas emissions, taking up the largest portion of all transportations. transportation It is not exaggerating to say that cars have been the main cause of destroying the environment. After this experience, the government acknowledged the need to take more careful measures. If the government implements more sustainable policies and individuals actively participate in them, this joint effort can reduce gas emission as well as natural disasters. All things considered, I firmly believe that the advantages of the fare cost for public transit systems by the government far outweigh its disadvantages for the reason I have mentioned above. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 내용이 너무 좋습니다. 비록 하나의 이유만 서술하였지만 그 하나의 바디에 독립형 에세이에서 필요한 요소들이 다 들어갔습니다. 특히 바디가 왜 정부가 돈을 지원해야하는 지를 가장 잘 표현 해주는 거 같습니다. 예시가 특히, 사회에 대한 반영을 서술하였으므로 좀 더 왜 이러한 이유가 필요한 지를 볼 수 있는 거 같습니다. 하지만 독립형 에세이에서는 상대방을 설득 시키는 것이 좋기 때문에, 하나의 바디로만 서술하는 것 보다는, 두 개 이상의 바디를 서술하시는 것을 추천드립니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |