▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that charging a fee to people who drive their own car during rush hour is unreasonable. However, I contends that levying a tax on car users fine to people who use their car during rush hour have positive effects on to traffic congestions and environments. To begin with, by charging a fee, the traffic congestion could be eased. If people use public transportation such as subways or buses, the city will be less crowded because of there are less cars on the street. As a result, the time to get to the destination will decrease significantly so it is beneficial. For this reason, the governments have to encourage people to use public transportation by charging a fee on drivers who get behind the wheel. My personal experience can be used to prove my point. When I lived in Cheong ju city, in Korea, I used my car for commuting. But soon I moved to Seoul for my job and I had some problems. The Seoul was so crowded with people and cars so during rush hours it was nearly impossible to drive using a car. Seoul's transportation organization also implemented a rule to limit using their own car during rush hour. (What is it?) At first, I was dissatisfied however thanks to that regulation, the traffic congestion wasalleviated. Therefore, charging a fee is a reasonable decision. Moreover, it is helpful to solve the problem of environments. The emitted gases from cars are harmful to the air quality and ozone layer. The emitted gases break an ozone layer and it incurs more sunlights into the earth. More sunlights is problematic because it increases the sea level and climate changes. Therefore, the government should establish a policy to limit using personal cars during rush hours. According to the survey conducted by Seoul National University, the researchers investigated the air quality in Korea between the 1990 and the 2018. In the 1990, there were no regulations for using people's own cars. However, in the 2018 the government made a policy which not allows make people do not use their own carsonly during rush hour. (What is it?) According to the data, the air quality of Korea was bad in the 1990 ,but in the 2018 data shows that it is considerably improved comparatively in the 1990. This shows that it was only during rush hour but it is effective. (Awkward sentence) To sum up, by charging a fee to people who use their own car during rush hour, the traffic congestion can be mitigated and the environments could be better. In this regard, I firmly believe that the given topic is true.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Limited 15-17 | - fine은 "벌금"이라는 단어이므로, tax, fee등이 더 적합하겠습니다. - spelling error와 단/복수 틀린 문법에 특히 유의하여 주세요. - 어휘 사용의 범위를 보다 늘려주세요. 동의어 및 반의어 등을 더욱 다양하게 사용해보셔야 할 것 같습니다.
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