▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that Dinner time is one of the most important time for family. However, I think that family would not have to regularly eat meals together. This is because the family members too busier compared to the past, so they could not have ample time to eat together for the following subsequent reasons.
Firstly, setting a time to eat meals regularly is an old story! These days, there was no talking at dinner time people do not talk while eating. Family members just see their smartphone while eating dinner Is it meaningful time? The meaning of family has completely changed compared to the past in comparison to the past. In the past, there are so many family members living together. But, nowadays, small family groups live together. Even so, each family members live each other site because of their work and school. Then, those family is not unfamiliar? The answer is no. lives in distinct places. To survive this endless of the competitive world. People should try to harder in their place people should try harder to survive (대문자는 문장 시작할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다). So, sometimes parents could be work lately, and children study until lately work late. A family could not have regular meal time together but they can spend time on the weekend and do some activities together, they could build a closer relationship with each other. For instance, in my case, my father has lived in other regions because of his job. Therefore, we can only meet on the weekend. But while spending time with my father by doing baseball, going camping I always feel his love. It is not important to just spend time regularly, it is important to quality of time.
To sum up, I disagree with the family could get a meal time regularly. I firmly believe that the quantity of the time rather than the quality of the time is more important in this world.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 믄 문제점은 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 합니다. 정보 자체가 과부화 되기 때문에 이 에세이에서 원레 전하려고 했던 의미 들이 변질되게 됩니다. 의미가 변질이 되면서 전체적으로 이 에세이를 통하여서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이가 필요한 것은 좀 더간결하고 명확하게 본인의 주장을 설명하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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