▶ Your Answer :Human being has lived a long time with diverse animals.
However, these days, a lot of animals have risks of being the endangered
animals by human activity such as farming, housing and industry thanks to human activities such as farming and housing. In my opinion,
now, it is more important to use land to save endangered animals than for human
needs. I will explore the reasons why I feel this way following essay. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, developing land for human needs would be
harmful to the human as well as the animals to both human and the animals. This is because the animals losing
their habitat by the human invade the human land such as farms and houses to
forage for food. And the animals destroy the crops in farm and some public
property such as fence in the city With the human activity, as animals house is destroyed, they come to human land to forage for food. For example, when I was young in my
grandparent’s house, my grandfather cultivated some crops and raised chicken. One
day, some chickens were dead, and the crops were destroyed. So, my grandfather
suffered monetary damage thereby suffering from the monetary damage. This example demonstrates that using land for human
needs make the vicious circle of damage to each other, the human and animals. brings about huge damage on both human and animals (예시가 주제를 벗어난 거 같습니다)
Moreover, these days, environmental problem such as
desertification and global warming is rapidly deteriorating has rapidly been deteriorated. Therefore, it is
not good for environment and human to develop land for human activity. However,
if the government tries to save endangered animals, many trees and plants in
forest will be kept. Therefore, the government can alleviate the environmental
problem and save the endangered animals saving the endangered animals. In my country, Jeju where I live is
keeping some islands has kept some islands. The islands may be profitable as a tourist destination,
but the government protect the islands because there are many endangered
animals protected the island as it contains numerous endangered animals. So, many people in the city can live in eco-friendly environment and
alleviate some environmental problems.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is more
important to save endangered animals than to use land for human needs. This is
because the developed land causes severe environmental problem and damages to
human being.
점수: 21 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 존재하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째 부분은 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이로 하여금 플로우를 방해하게 만듭니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 는 첫 번째 단락 예시가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 좀 더 주제와 연관을 지으면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |