▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether the extended family is not as significant these days as before. In general, some people might say that relationships of the extended family are still more important than anything. In my opinion, however, I strongly believe that it is not as valuable now as in the past for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, modern people tend to seek more satisfying works and study whereas people in the past had to make a living through agrarian activities. As the diversity of the career is becoming has become various, people these days look for their own career and study. Thus, modern people emigrate in order to acquire jobs and learning, which means that the importance of the extended family drops. For example, when my grandmother was a child, she made a living by farming with her family members. Since farming is an activity which requires a lot of people requiring a plethora of people, Her family members had solid relationships and they closed to each other. However, in modern days, I went to study abroad to in Faris at an early age. I wanted to get diverse experience and study in terms of the contemporary fine arts. This experience tells us that in these days, the extended family is not significant than in the past.
In addition, modern people more rely on their friends and neighbors than their relatives. As societies are becoming have become globalized, most of the people tend to depend on their closed someone and ask advice they need. For instance, there was a poll conducted by the National Population Organization with 200 students of the Johns Hopkins University as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to understand the consensus view of the level of intimacy between the extended family and neighbors. An overwhelming 78 percent replied that in these days, people tend to put more emphasis on their neighbors than relatives when they need help. They added that people consider neighbors to their second family.
In conclusion, modern people tend to leave from their family in order to acquire own career and study, and they more depend on their closed neighbors rather than the extended family. In this sense, I hold that it is clear that the importance of the extended family become decreased especially in the current era.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 대가족에 대한 의미를 잘 파악을 하지 못한 거 같습니다. 처음부터 의미를 파악을 못하다 보니까 전반적으로 에세이가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 이러한 경향은 전체적으로 각 단락들이 주제를 벗어나게 됩니다. 따라서 독립형 에세이를 서술할 때 주제와의 연관성을 주면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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