▶ Your Answer :Most of the people think that University should spend more money on libraries than on sports. Therefore, most of university library’s facilities are developed than sports filed have more been developed. However, University is a place where students can learn everything without any constraint. So I support that universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries for two beliefs. I personally believe, university should also spend budget on sports for the following two subsequent reasons (일단 대문자는 문장 시작 할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다) First of all, generally, universities are considered as a place of studying from the past. Therefore, many of the high school student’s dream and purpose were only focused on academics. However, contemporary’s educational opinions are started to change in more liberal directions and attentions are focused on sports basically focusing on sports. For instance, in Japan, many students want to do sports in a perfect environments. So, university started to provide equal payment not only in libraries but in sports thereby university providing equal payments on both sports and libraries. Second, government and universities spend their money on libraries for a long period of time. Therefore, almost every university’s libraries are well organized and improved. So, doesn’t have to pay more money on libraries anymore. For example, however, facility of sport environment is very poor in Korea. So, they started to provide their money on sport It is time for government to pay budget on sports. As a result, many of the student could start many kind of sports in a well erected environment. Furthermore, a lot of students could improve their health in a good way. It is true that spending money on the libraries are very beneficial and helpful place to improve student’s academic scores. However, keep spending money on library seems very wasteful. Because, most of libraries are well done. On the other hand, sport filed has lack of environmental quality. In addition, many students are started to interest in sports get interested in sports. For the above reasons, I firmly agree with the statement that universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries.
점수: 21 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 가장 크게 느낀것은 전체적으로 본인의 주장이 모호합니다. 본인의 주자에 대해서 확신이 없다라는 느낌이 강하게 드는 에세이였습니다. 이러한 느낌이 드는 가장 결정적인 이유는 각 단락들의 이유가 주제와 관련이 많이 없습니다. 주제에 초점을 두는 것 보다는 그저 현상에 만 중점을 두는 거 같습니다. 따라서 좀 더 주제와 관련 주어서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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