▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether people often buy products not because they really need them but because other people have them. This is an intriguing question because opinions regarding this issue may be different relying depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I believe that people often buy products not because of their needs for the following reasons.
First of all, people often buy not essential products because it helps them to relieve stress and restore health buying unnecessary products relieves stress and restores health. To be specific, people usually feel happy and comfortable if they buy products that others have, which as a result allows them to better manage stress, maintain health, and build a quality life. Stress is the main cause of disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, people in modern society should actively find ways to reduce stress and stay healthy. For example, when I was a young student in an elementary school, I had bought a lot of miniatures because having popular miniatures was an essential thing to play with classmates. And playing Playing with friends helped me forget stressful aspects of my daily lives such as writing papers and studying for exams. Therefore, I believe people often buy products that others have in order to feel comfortable and happy, which allows us to lead a healthy and fulfilling life.
In addition, people often buy products not because of their needs because it allows them to learn building relationships such product builds relationship. To be specific, people can share their idea with one another if they have common products, which as a result allows them to learn how to build meaningful relationships through communicating their thoughts and connecting to each other’s feelings. Building relationships is a great way to develop increasingly important social, interpersonal, communication skills. To illustrate, Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was able to build could build meaningful relationships as well as strong networks with others. He did this by always trying to share his idea with his colleagues through talking and discussing new products he and his colleagues commonly have. Hence, it shows that people often buy possessions other people have in order to learn to embrace relationships.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that people usually buy products because other people have them. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this issue has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수: 26 일단 지금 이 에세이는 두 번째 단락 예시가 주제와 벗어났습니다. 빌게이츠와 이 이유와 무슨 관련이 있는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 항상 예시를 서술할 때에는 주제와 연관을 지으면서 예시를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이는 불필요한 which절이 많습니다. 주의하면서 재외하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하면 전체적으로 내용정리가 잘 되어 있는 에세이입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |