▶ Your Answer :
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether parents should set strict rules for their children if they want them to succeed in life or they should not set rigorous rules for their kids. (Lengthy) Some parents maintain that they should be flexible to their children. However, my own view on the matter is that parents need to set have strict rules for their children to help them succeed in life. In this essay, I will present two reasons to support my ideas. First of all, children can be well adapted to society. (Because of what?) As the children grow up, they become subject to many kinds of rules of our society. They go to a kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, university, and a workplace. where rules and laws exist. Before getting into these places, children need to learn how to obey the rules at home by their parents. Otherwise or else, they will get punished or rejected by society later on. For example, I had a rude classmate when I was in 4th grade. The boy seemed not to be adequately disciplined by his parents. So he perpetrated a hoax at school every day. If he had been disciplined by his parents with strict rules, he could have been adapted to society well. On top of that, children can use their time wisely. Under the rigorous rules of their parents, kids practice how to plan systemically and pragmatically. It definitely will help them to be successful in their future since surviving in our society is fighting with time. (Clarify the meaning) To be specific, if I am a worker who has been disciplined by strict rules, I can finish my work faster than others or and can do more work than other workers. I think this kind of difference with others determines one’s successfulness. Taking everything into consideration, parents can help their children to be well adapted to society and to use their time wisely by disciplining them with strict rules. In this regard, I think parents should set rigorous rules for their children to influence them to be successful in life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | - 두 가지 thesis 모두 짧게 언급이 되었는데 자신이 주장하고자 하는 바를 보다 상세하게 기입해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
- otherwise 대신에 without proper guidance and rules from their parents 등으로 바꾸셔도 괜찮을 것 같아요. - rejected by society 의 정확한 의미는 무엇인가요? 외면당하다~라는 의미로 적고싶다면 shunned/ostracized/not accepted 정도로 적어주세요.
| |