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These days, many young people have been concerning whether do a work or not before their careers they have to try different kinds of jobs before deciding a career. Some people think that trying different job is just a wasting time. However, in my opinion, it is much more beneficial for people to try various jobs before deciding a career for following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people can choose more suitable job for them through a variety of working. To be specific, in the recent days, many university students feel difficult when they choose their majors. However, if they don’t do not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) experience before deciding their future job, they would regret about their decision. By doing many works, they can find the most suitable career for them. Through this step, they can be more happy and might have more chance to earn much more money. For example, I will talk about my father. When I was young, he was just an officer of such company. I can remember he was usually unhappy about his life him feeling unhappy with his life. However, after he decided to quit his job and started studying to be a teacher, he looked like happy. As a result, he became an elementary school teacher and he is glad nowadays. He said me he regrets what he decided his job very quickly in the past.
On top of that, by experiencing various jobs, people can think wider. To explain, experience is one of the most essential factors to succeed in this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge during their career life. Their views would be so narrow when dealing with trouble. By attaining a wide variety of experiences, people can not only gain diverse experience but also broaden their horizons of the world as well. For instance, I will give an example of my older sister. She was always very busy during her university student’s life. She never stopped working part-time job such as serving at restaurant, and making coffee though her major was business. After graduating, she founded a company in China. It was a big adventure. However, with her various experience, she knew how to communicate and treat with her customers and managed company with the best way. Finally, she brought the most positive result.
In sum up To sum up, people can choose more suitable job by experiencing. Moreover, they can make build a lot of experience which would be beneficial. In this regard build a lot of experience needed for the future (동사가 두 개 입니다), I firmly hold that people need to try different jobs before deciding a career as I mentioned above.
점수: 26 문법적인 부분에 있어서 지적할 부분들이 몇 군데 가 있습니다. 이러한 부분들은 제가 지적한 에세이에서 참고하시면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분을 재외하고는 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 보여주고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적인 설명들을 통하여서 왜 우리가 한 직업을 택하기 전에 여러가지를 경험해야하는지릊 잘 설명해 주는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |