▶ Your Answer : Some people think that people's interest about their appearance is moderate in the present. However, in my opinion, nowadays, people spend too much time caring their appearance and fashions. There are two reasons why I thinks this way for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, people have grown up in environment which is highly affected by mass media affected by the media. To be specific, broadcasts are prone to show lots of entertainers and renowned people. Moreover, due to the advent of cellular phones, people can easily access this kind of news. For example, there was a study conducted by the Korean Ministry of education with middle school students as a respondent to determine how articles and news related to entertainers can affect students' lives. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of students who usually enjoy watching news of renowned people and the second groups consisted of students who rarely access this kind of mass media. The researchers compared the outcomes and recorded that the first group who highly tend to interested in entertainers' articles have more concerns about their appearance. The reasons are that they usually compared their faces with famous people's appearance while they access news about entertainers and also they can be easily exposed to many broadcasts related to beauty and fashion. This study shows that people who are eager to see entertainers highly concern their appearance. On top of that, today is era that personal appearance is a competitive factor. To be specific, competition between people has intensified since the 21th century. The augmented competition results in increasing concerns about appearance. For instance, there was a poll conducted by the Japanese Ministry of employment with adults as a respondent. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view about significance of appearance. The majority of the respondents highly admitted the statement. An 92 percent of the respondents had responded that gorgeous appearance can be used for an ability when people enter society. The reasons are that nice appearance makes it easier for people to develop relationship with others and handsome or beautiful people are more likely to be admired by other people. This study concluded that people's appearance can be beneficial tools to them. To sum up, environment which is easily affected by entertainers' articles and social atmosphere that appearance can become abilities have provoked higher interests about appearance. In this regard, I firmly believe that present people are the most interested in their physical exteriors.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽히 숙지가 된 상태에서 서술하였습니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명들을 통하여서 왜 사람들이 자신의 외모와 모습을 가꾸는 지를 논리정연하게 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |