▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether student should go to school early or late at
the day. It is intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can
be different depending on the individual perspective. However, in my opinion, I
support that schools should not start early at the day because of the following
reasons. for the following subsequent reasons.
First of all, schools starting early at the day gives student more
stress. To be specific, schools starting early accompanies a stressful process,
which hinders student from building a quality life. Stress is the main cause of
disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, people in modern society should
actively find ways to reduce stress and stay healthy. For example, when I had an
early morning Spanish class last year, I was always been tired and dragging always felt tired and dragged
myself to class and I had to drink a lot of coffee to stay alive and fresh. I
struggled so hard to pass the exam, but I couldn’t pass it because I was always
been tired and helpless. So, I change the schedule it to early afternoon. This
helped me to have more time in the morning and I slept more and ate fully and
that gave me more energy to be enthusiastic and productive. And finally, I
passed the test. Through this experience, I realized that going to school early
in the day makes life more stressful and harder. Hence, this shows that schools
should not start early in the morning in order to lead a healthy and fulfilling
life.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that schools should start late at
the day. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this
topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned
above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our
life.
점수: 22 한 단락 안에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 합니다. 이렇게 에세이를 서술하다 보면 에세이 자체가 장황하게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 불필요한 설명들을 재외하고 좀 더 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 간결하게 서술하다 보면 원하는 점수를 얻을 수 있을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |