▶ Your Answer : There are different views on factors of good boss. It is an intriguing issue because opinions regarding this issue can be different depending on individual perspectives. In my opinion, I think that factors of good boss is diligence and sociability. diligence and sociability are the important factors of good boss. First of all, supervisor should be diligent because diligent supervisor helps staff to build necessary skills to success. diligence helps people to build necessary skills to succeed In fact, working under the diligent boss allows staffs to develop patience to finish their tasks.. As modern society is becoming has become increasingly competitive, today's world requires people with strong sense of meritocracy. People can do this better by improving their patience to achieve their tasks. For instance, according to a study done by the Korean Times, it revealed that more businesses adjusting the level of employee salary to better reflect their performance more business adjusts the level of employee salary to better reflect the performance. The study indicated that high conscientiousness has become necessary to survive in a meritocratic environment requires strong patience. The study further explained that employees who are working under the conscientious supervisor are more successful in today's competitive working condition than others. The papers show that the disparity about productivity between worker groups that has diligent supervisor and do not is 30 percent. Hence, it is legitimate to say that supervisor should be diligent in order to teach about patience for their staff's success in today's competitive society. In addition, sociability is also crucial factor for good supervisor because boss's high quality of sociability helps people to learn about building relationships with others one can build social skills. To be specific, boss's sociability creates opportunity for employees to learn about boss's communication skills, which as a result allows them to learn about how to build relationships through communicating their thoughts and connecting to each others' feelings. Building relationship is a great way to develop increasingly important social, interpersonal, and communication skills. To illustrate, Bill gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, has made great accomplishments in his life time. I read online that he was very successful because he was able to could build meaningful relationships as well as networks with others. He did this by working under the boss having high quality of sociability to learn about building a successful relationships. Therefore this proves that high sociability is crucial factor for good supervisors. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the factors of good supervisors are diligence and sociability. It is my belief that my arguments regarding this issue has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
점수: 22 두 가지 부분에 잇어서 오류가 존재하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 전체적으로 에세이가 장황합니다. 특히 예시에 너무 중점을 두었습니다. 예시가 너무 장황하게 서술되다 보니 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어려웠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이는 좀 더 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 또한 두 번째 단락 예시가 주제를 벗어났습니다. 예시를 선정할 때 주제에 초점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |