▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the argument that the government should impose taxes on drivers when at the congestion time. With respect to this subject at hand, many people think that it tend to be too much to say that drivers have to pay taxes for their private driving. That being said, from another point of view, it seems reasonable to pay some money for their driving in congestion time. I also have the same idea with some certainty, and the reasons are as follows. To begin with, It could alleviate traffic jams with some taxes.(앞에 it으로 문장을 시작했는데 정확하게 이게 뭘 의미하는지 읽는 사람이 헷갈릴 수 있습니다. 뒤에 tax를 it으로 쓰려고 했던 거면 아예 tax를 it대신 앞에 쓰고 뒷부분은 삭제하는게 낫습니다) Having burdens for taxes, They will be unwilling to drive for small reasons. This make road less packed and people in the city will enjoy clean and well-kept roads. There was a poll conducted by The Ministry of Traffics with 500 drivers as a respondents. The purpose of this survey to understand the effects of small taxes to the driver's behaviors. Overwhelming 85% had responded that They would not drive their cars if even taxes had been imposed. Because general people don't want to waste their money for unnecessary reasons. It just goes to show that small amount of taxes will help to reduce traffic jams over the congestion time. rush hour. (congestion time이라고 하면 어휘가 약간 어색해보입니다. 뭐든지 무슨 어휘가 더 어울릴지 고민 한번씩 더 해주세요) On top of that, The taxes imposed on drivers will be able to be used to preserve the environments. Generally, cars produce air pollution(pollution같은 단어는 복수형이 될 수 없습니다) such as carbon dioxides, methane, because it operates with fossil fuels. That means, if there are less cars for the taxes in road, It will be a good situation to environments. A study was conducted by The Ministry of the Health and Welfare to understand how the taxes imposed on driver could reduce the air pollutions. The researchers maintained that one dollar increased in taxes would reduce 3% of carbon dioxide emitted from the cars. This result can be compared to the effect of planting 50000 trees in some areas. This illustrates that imposing taxes will benefits not only by(앞에 benefit있으니 이에 맞게 by써줘야 합니다) alleviating congestion but also environments. (앞에 구와 어울리지 않는 구입니다. 동사 다시 생각해서 작성해주세요) This corroborates my earlier assertion that the government put some taxes to the drivers when at congestion time. In a nutshell, It hardly comes to the convincing conclusion that everyone agrees with. Nevertheless, taking the two reasons described above into consideration, It is clear-cut that imposing taxes on driver has more advantages rather than let them drive freely.
전체적으로 문법적인 오류가 굉장히 많은 편입니다. 문장을 길게 쓰려고 하다가 나타나는 오류가 꽤 많은 편인데, 이에 대해서는 무조건 문장 길게 쓰려고 하지 말고 자르고 잘라서 진짜 중요하게 써야하는 부분만 쓰는 연습하는 것도 매우 중요하다고 생각합니다. 또 문장과 맞지 않는 어휘를 쓰는 부분이 꽤 눈에 띄는데 어휘공부 필요합니다. 동의어/반의어 위주로 공부해주세요 |