▶ Your Answer :It is debatable whether college should be freely provided to everyone. (그냥 free everyone이라고만 쓰면 내용 뜻이 제대로 전달되지 않습니다. to같은거 문장 이어주는 아주 중요한 부분이니 잊지 않고 작성할 수 있도록 해주세요) This is an interesting question because opinion concerning this issue can be different depending on the individual point of view. In my opinion, however, I support that college should be free everyone for the following reasons. First of all, if college would be given chance to everyone freely,(문법에 맞지 않습니다. 무슨 뜻으로 쓰신건가요?)people could broaden their perspectives. To be specific, if they will get education freely, they attain a lot of knowledge. And (and, but으로 시작하는 문장은 좋은 문장이 될 수 없습니다) this knowledge allows people to better understand other cultures, lifestyles, views. As modern society has become increasingly globalized, today's world requires people with international views. So people should be (아무떄나 수동태 쓰지 마세요. )actively find way to increase their views. And (마찬가지로 위에서 언급했습니다)this solution is that college should be open education for everyone. In addition, if people can not learn, they will lost themselves.(lost아니고 lose가 맞습니다. 또 이렇게 주제문장이 너무 broad하면 내용에 keep up하기 힘듭니다) To be specific, people have a right to learn every things, which as a result people allows to make more valuable live. To example my episode, (for example이 맞습니다)when I was seven years old I had an aunt who had no entry university she was very genius but she did not get enough education (이렇게 문장부호를 제대로 쓰지 않으면 문장을 어디서 끊어 읽어야 할지 전혀 모릅니다 문장부호 제대로 작성해주세요). So she did not get a job and this led to her makes worse situation. And now, she does not in the world. (??그녀는 이제 세계에 있지 않나요???) At that time, if my aunt had went to university, she would have been enjoying her life and may have been very successful. So this shows that university should be give free education to people who live in the society. All things considered, I strongly believe that people should go to college without charge. And (마찬가지로 위에서 언급했습니다)it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic effectively and precisely delivered the mention above. Never should we forget this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
문법/문장적인 오류가 굉장히 많은 에세이입니다. 우선 제가 생각하기에는 에세이 연습보다는 문장쓰기 연습이 더 시급한 것 같습니다. 짧은 문장으로 시작해서 긴 문장까지 문장쓰기 연습 한번 해보세요. 쓰기 능력이 빠르게 오릅니다. and/but으로 시작하는 문장은 좋지 않습니다. 주의해주세요 어휘가 문장에 맞지 않는 부분이 꽤 됩니다. proof reading하실 때 주의해서 다른 동의어로 써주세요 |