■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : new technological device 바로 사기 vs 기다렸다 사기
▶ Your Answer :
(정확하게 무슨 뜻으로 작성하신 건지 이해가 안갑니다...technological feats에 대해 이야기 하고 있었던 거면 being과는 맞지 않는 것 같아요) development of technology have changed our lives in many ways. Moore who is one of the most prominent professor in technology said that the degree of technological development would be doubled per 18months. This means the rapid changes and advances in these area and there are tons of products are poured to the market. And this phenomenon has brought aroused arguments about whter it is wise to buy new technological equipments as soons as possible or not. People, nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; some people insist that people amuse innovative breakthrough, others deem otherwise.(앞에 쓴 것 처럼 이것도 이유 설명해주세요_ Logically, people who grew up from diverse environments maintain their various types of opinions. But, In my opinion, I am in former stand.
The
(무슨 뜻인지 이해가 안갑니다)
Another equally important reason is
Looking back, there are many reasons to be considered. People can enjoy the high technological device without any worries not like me. But, at the end of the day, I would rather carefully buy technological device in later time.
한가지 정말 아쉬운 점은 introduction이 너무 길고, 이에 반해 body paragraph가 너무 짧다는 것입니다.
다음에는 intro를 오히려 조금 짧게 쓰고, body를 더 detail하게 쓰는게 더 내용적으로 맞습니다.
문법적인 오류가 계속해서 보이는 편이고, 마찬가지로 spelling오류 계속해서 보이네요
proof reading한번만 해도 무조건 다 보일수밖에 없는데 주의해서 작성해주세요
연습때도 실전인 것 처럼 작성해야 실전에서 좋은 점수 받을 수 있습니다.
또, 어휘가 너무 limited되어 있습니다. 조금 더 다양하게 작성해주세요
그리고 콤마같은 문장부호 빠진 부분 너무 많습니다. 문장의 flow자체를 망치니 주의해주세요