▶ Your Answer : For most, longevity plays an important role in their lives. There are obviously many phenomena ons, but it is evident that people live longer than before in contemporary life. The concepts of stress and efficiency clearly show this idea.
To begin with, people are alreadly stressed out. However, they can forget about work for a little bit when they alreadly have too much on their plate. This is why, if people have something that they love to do, the situation can help them get rid of stress. Take my grandfather's experience, for example. Tthe fact that he communicate with eldery in an institution which has many old people definitely helped thim struggle less from stress. He loves interacting with others and went the institution everyday. This happened a during a time when he was only getting 5 hours of sleep due to excessive work. He, having an outlet, was able to manage stress. He was able to get away from his daily routine and refresh himself. The experience is comparable to the experience of people who are old and like communication. They will forget about a stressful situation. The phenomenon can people live longer and be happy.
Also, living longer is more efficient. Ppeople can utilize their resources more efficiently and do not have to worry about wasting so much time. Therefore, people live longer in modern society because they can make the most of their time. For instance, a study conducted by a group of psychology majors is a good example of this. The researchers tracked the life^styles of 200 eldery over a 5 years period in order to find out how they use their times. What they found was intriguing. Those who are over 80 years have many hoabbies and enjoy their thier lives, and they also they geot less stress. The findings showed that living longer make them have more opportunities and give them something sometihng that they to do efficiently.
To sum up, it may seems like not living longer phenomenon ?. However, through the examples related to stress and efficiency , one can logically conclude that people live longer now.
Fair (17-18)
철자/대소문자 오류 많으십니다. 연습해주세요. proofreading으로 줄여주세요. phenomenon 단수; phenomena 복수 입니다.
첫번째 본문 괜찮습니다.
두번째 본문, cause and result가 바뀌었습니다. efficiency 때문에 수명이 늘어났다고 하셔야 질문에 대한 적절한 답이 됩니다. 두번째 본문은, efficiency 증가를 얘기하고, 수명 증가도 efficiency 증가에 기여했다는 내용입니다. 질문은 수명이 늘어났다. 이 현상에 대한 이유를 써라. 입니다. 질문에 맞는 답을 하는 것이 가장 중요합니다. 아니면 off-topic이 됩니다. 유의해주세요.
결론에서 파란색 문장 의미를 이해할 수 없습니다.
두번째 본문 off-topic이기 때문에 점수 낮게 드렸습니다.
수고하셨습니다~ |