all teachers are required to update their knowledge every five years |
Teachers are those who deliver their knowledge which have been accumulated for a long time in their life to their students. Futhermore, they have a great influence on student's life in that students are supposed to apply what they have learned from their teachers to real world. However, it would cause a big problem in student's process of learning if the knowledges teachers are possessing are already obsolete. Therefore, it is necessary that teachers try to correct and update their knowledge at least every five years. First of all, updating new knowledges in our education have an advantage to prevent students from acquiring wrong informations from their school. now days, we are living in a society where most of the informations and even hypothesis of subjects are rapidly changing because of the increasing research and development of fundamental education. For example, the pluto which was originally defined as one of the planet is recently excluded from a list of planet in that it doesn't meet condition of being planet. Therefore, most of the information about pluto in astronomy textbook which was published at least 3 to 4 years ago can contain incorrect knowledges about it. Futhermore, the research conducted by 'Science' in 2007 said that 25% of the text book made from 10years ago are more likely to have inappropriate information for teachers to teach them to students. Second, updating knowledges are more likely helpful for teachers to have a opportunity to develop the way they teach and raise their efficiency of lecture because they can figure out their weakness point or wrong discipline method while they are searching for new updated informations or comparing other teacher's method of teaching students. For example, my father, who is science teacher at middle school, have recently started to develop his new way to teach to students by searching the other teacher's lecture video clips which are updated on website such as u-tube while he is looking to latest information about science on the websites which is not included in textbooks. On the other hand, some people claim that it is hard to find any relationship between updating knowledges and increasing quality of lecture. However, the study by 'Korea university' refutes the idea well in that the quality of education at whole Korea middle schools this year has been improved much better since the new school policy that made teachers update their knowledges for better education was conducted last years. |
편하게 첨삭해봤습니다. 어투가 다소 불편하더라도 이해하세요.
Teachers are those who deliver their knowledge which have been accumulated for a long time in their life to their students.
Futhermore, they have a great influence on student's life in that students are supposed to apply what they have learned from their teachers to real world.
à furthermore (오타) they learn 이라고 하는 게 좋을 듯, 일반적 사실에 대한 언급이기 때문에
However, it would cause a big problem in student's process of learning if the knowledges teachers are possessing are already obsolete.
à 진행형 어색함, 소유하는 행동을 진행하는 중인데, already obsolete해 졌다는 건 모순. If knowledge(단수) of teachers is already obsolete
Therefore, it is necessary that teachers try to correct and update their knowledge at least every five years.
First of all, updating new knowledges in our education have an advantage to prevent students from acquiring wrong informations from their school. now days, we are living in a society where most of the informations and even hypothesis of subjects are rapidly changing because of the increasing research and development of fundamental education.
-> Knowledge, information (단수로만) have->has hypotheses
-> For example과 논리적 연결고리가 약하다고 생각됨.
Since most of information we possess has been changing due to the increasing research output, teachers need to update and correct their current knowledge not to teach wrong information to their students.
For example, the pluto which was originally defined as one of the planet is recently excluded from a list of planet in that it doesn't meet condition of being planet.
-> The Pluto(대문자) one of the planets, a list of planets, the condition of being planet
Therefore, most of the information about pluto in astronomy textbook which was published at least 3 to 4 years ago can contain incorrect knowledges about it.
Can contain à may contain (can은 의도적으로 한다는 의미가 있기 때문에 어색함)
Futhermore, the research conducted by 'Science' in 2007 said that 25% of the text books made from 10years ago are more likely to have inappropriate information for teachers to teach them to students.
-> Furthermore(r주의) Of the text books, them (지시대상은??)
Second, updating knowledges are more likely helpful for teachers to have a opportunity to develop the way they teach and raise their efficiency of lecture because they can figure out their weakness point or wrong discipline method while they are searching for new updated informations or comparing other teacher's method of teaching students.
à Updating knowledge is , have an opportunity, weak points, methods,
For example, my father, who is science teacher at middle school, have recently started to develop his new way to teach to students by searching the other teacher's lecture video clips which are updated on website such as u-tube while he is looking to latest information about science on the websites which is not included in textbooks.
à (who is) a science teacher ~, has ~ to teach students ~ (the 생략) other teachers’ ~(which are)~ websites such as ~to find out latest information that textbooks do not contain yet. (while 뒤는 의미상 좀 이상하네요. 무슨 의도로 말하는지 잘 모르겠습니다)
On the other hand, some people claim that it is hard to find any relationship between updating knowledges and increasing quality of lecture.
à 없는게 좋을 듯
However, the study by 'Korea university' refutes the idea well in that the quality of education at whole Korea middle schools this year has been improved much better since the new school policy that made teachers update their knowledges for better education was conducted last years.
à In addition to this, the study by ~ shows that the quality~ last year.
Wrap up 도 한 단락 있으면 좋을 듯.
I am sure that it is valuable for teachers to update their knowledge at least every 5 years, because this practice helps them to deliver correct information reflecting the latest knowledge to their students and to find more diverse and effective ways of teaching that will increase the quality of education.