‘when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.’ Do you agree or disagree? |
일단 먼저 궁그만건 빨간색으로 해논 부분들이 맞는 표현인지 에요///
(1) Albeit 이때 써도 되나요? (2) Who would have thought that getting in to NHS was possible 이때 would 하고 was 쓰니까 살짝 awkward 해보이는데 맞나요 틀리나요? 틀리다면 왜그렇죠? (3) This is why I disagree to the statement; luck has nothing to do with success. 이거, 제가 처음에 쓸땐 semicolon 대신 comma 를 썻거든요? 그랫더니 WORD 에서 grammer error 로 나오더라구요. 어떻게 되는거죠? This is why I disagree to the statement, luck has nothing to do with success 이건 틀린건가요?
그리구 ~~~ 다른 부분들도 첨삭 꼬옥 부탁 드립니다!!
I am yet a student, though I find myself successful in few areas. I do not mean successful as in lived a successful life; instead, I am referring to my experience, which I believe was due to luck. By luck, I became successful in singing in front of people, in other words, I became enthusiastic enough to go up on stage. Also, I always wanted to be in the National Honors Society at school; I brought this off by finally being inducted by the NHS. I would like to build up on what I have mentioned so far throughout my essay. As I have mentioned in my introduction, I would like to talk first about singing. Since I was young, I enjoyed singing very much, and still do. Though, since I was awfully shy, I never had the chance to sing in front of people, which I always dreamed of. As I watched movies such as, A walk to remember, I was mesmerized by the voice Amanda(정확한 이름까먹음) had, and also her position to sing in front of people. Albeit getting voice lessons, I realized that this had nothing to do with getting rid of my shyness. However, through the year, I was lucky enough to blow off my prejudice. In our school, December 13 is Arts Day. On this day, students can sign up to do whatever they want to do in front of people in the theater. I took the risk and decided to try singing. When the day came, I was just so eager to get up on stage. Once I got up there, I was successful in captivating the audience. The song I sang was from the movie, A Walk to Remember. People applauded for about a minute--I am assuming their clapping was because they were impressed by my eager attitude and enthusiasm-- I still remember that impressive day. The reason I am talking about singing in my paragraph is due to my intention to talk about how luck affects people in becoming successful. In this paragraph, I would further like to talk about how my academic carrier had a lot to do with luck. When I was in ninth grade, I looked up to the juniors and seniors who got nominated by the National Honors Society. I never thought that I would have the chance to be inducted by NHS (the National Honors Society). Though, without having NHS in mind, I thought that it was fun and exciting to get CAS credit by doing service activities and attending several of school activities. I did not know how many CAS credits I had until a letter came from the NHS. They wrote to me about how impressed they were about my service activities, and that they wanted to have me inducted by the NHS. Would people not say that this was luck? Who would have thought that getting in to NHS was possible by doing service activities? I found this very surprising and was grateful at the same time. This is why I disagree to the statement; luck has nothing to do with success. |