영어 괜찮고요, 소재 좋아요.
버뜨 그러나, 에세이 주제는 역사/문학에 비해서 과학/수학이 왜 "더" 중요하냐..아닌가요?
아스트로님께서는 "과학/수학이 논리력 배양과 생활지혜 향상 측면에서 중요하다"라고만 주장하셨는데, 역사/문학은 논리력이나 생활의 지혜와는 하등의 관계가 없는 건가요?
글을 어떻게 쓰느냐에 따라서, 고대 문학작품이나 인류의 역사에서도 생활의 지혜나 강력한 논리력을 배양할 수 있을 것 같거든요?
비교를 해주셨으면 더 좋았을 것 같네요.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
124. It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
These days, a growing number of people encourage students to learn history and literature for increasing their language ability and imagination. In contrast to this opinion, however, I think that the studying of science and mathematics has more pivotal roles on students, especially in the high technology society of today. The rationale behind my opinion is that science and mathematics enhance students’ logical thinking and wisdom for living.
1) the studying of ~ 라고 해서 틀렸다 할껀 아니지만, 그냥 studying science and mathematics 라고 하면 어떨까요? the studying of...어감이 좋진 않네요.
Firstly, mathematics plays a decisive role in improving students’ logical reasoning. Mathematical proofs allow students to learn the logical consideration about any problem through the process, finding out the answer by inductive or deductive reasoning. For example, in market, the most of merchants always state that they sell commodities in spite of their property damages. Provided that consumer has the logical thought, it should be readily perceived that their occupations, which purpose is to pursue lots of profit by a number of sales, are not actually consistent with their mentions. To reinforce the reasonable thinking, therefore, students should study the mathematics.
1) Mathematical proofs........, finding out the answer~ 이라고 하시면, 수학적 증거들이 답을 찾아 낸다라는 의미가 되요. finding out~ 이 아니라 letting the students find out 혹은 enabling the students find out 이 좋겠어요.
2) the most of merchants -> most of the merchants
3) in spite of their property damages 라고요? "상품에 흠이 있지만"이라는 의미로 들리는데요 -_-;;; 혹시 "원가 이하로 판다"라는 말을 하고 싶으셨다면, 차라리 그냥 "they state that they are offering a special price, even below the cost"가 어떨까요?
4) which purpose -> whose purpose
Moreover, science class presents the wisdoms for living to students, especially in the high technology society of today. The reason that science lecture is requisitely required is that science helps us recognize the nature in which human beings live. Consequently, occurrences, such as a disease, diet and failure of electronic products, in ordinary life is easily comprehended by the scientific knowledge. Instantly, last year, I had realized the power of science in diet. Two years ago, my weight was over 90 kg. Although I attempted a diet to reduce my weight, I couldn’t take the triumph at the battle with fat. After I had taken two courses, biochemistry and physiology, I tried to exercise and have the selected foods, according to the scientific knowledge, and then accomplish the loss at the weight. Hence, science provides practical wisdoms to students learned it.
1) the battle with fat 이 뭐 틀린건 아닌데요, 느낌상 the battle against fat 이 더 강렬하지 않나요 ㅎㅎㅎ
2) students learned it -> students who learned it
In conclusion, I have the belief that it is more important for students to study science and mathematics, although it assists the mental development to study history and literature. The reason is that the studying of science and mathematics provide solutions to resolve the matter in hand through the logical reasoning and practical wisdoms. All in all, I believe that these are the most important things for motivating students to be prudent and sage individuals.