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** First of all, I cannot give you exact advice since I don't know the topic of what you wrote. My advice is based on your ideas in general. (Your writing skill is already very good. These are just my suggestions :D)
Based on such abundant knowledge accessible in today’s world, people should either be able to read or write in order to store information in their head and then utilize on appropriate occasions. à People should be able to read and write in order to find information they need, store the information, and utilize it in a manner that will benefit themselves.
** Writing and reading cannot be separate, should go togther. I think that the order of finding, storing, and utilizing makes more sense. If a person does not possess this basic but significant adroitness, he obviously ends up being useless and alienated from the society in which an overwhelming majority of people involve themselves in dog-eat-dog competition by acquiring knowledge and putting the knowledge into action. à If a person does not possess this basic but significant adroitness, she or he obviously ends up being useless and being alienated from the society; this is because that an overwhelming majority of people involve themselves in dog-eat-dog competition and struggle to survive or be ahead of the game by acquiring knowledge and putting it into practice.
** Your sentence is too long and has a lot of ideas. Even though having several choppy sentences is not good, but having a too long sentence is not good either. In my opinion, examplifying some competitions happening these days will be better and explaining the current society will help to lead the sentence that people with being illiterate will be hard to survive. |