아래에 어느 분이 올린 글을 보고 제가 조금 수정하여 보았어요 워낙 모델엣세이가 드문 주제 같은데 이번 시험에 나온 거 같아서요. 제가 4.5 이상 받아야만 하는데요. 아래와 같이 작성하면 몇점이나 받을까요.. 그리고 수정할 부분이나 보완이 필요하면 최대한 구체적으로(수정된 내용까지) 알려주시면 무지 감사하겠습니다.
PR 004. It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
People can get knowledge in various things. In general, people can get knowledge from books and their experience. Knowledge gained from books help to decide your occupation and opinion about some arguments. However, knowledge gained from experiences help to reduce mistakes and find better ways to solve real problems. When I compare two things, I think that experiences is more important than books because knowledge gained from experiences can be hardly forgotten and apply information in real life.
On the one hand, people can get knowledge from books. In particular, when they choose their occupation, it is common to read an autobiography about a famous person. For example, many children read life story of Edison, they will want to be an inventor like Edison. Moreover, books give us a lot of information when we choose our opinion. For example, when I had a debate about mercy killing, I could find various information in the books written by medical doctors who had seen the many patients in brain death. I can read diverse arguments and many cases in the books. Then I can decide and express my opinion about that issue better than past. Like this, books give people a lot of knowledge that can not be gained easily from experience.
On the other hand, people can get knowledge from experiences. Most people usually make many mistakes in their lives. For instances, if people have a natural disaster such as a heavy rain, they would have damage from the disaster without proper protections. Their houses will be destroyed and many people will be died or injured. Then they can find their mistakes such as lack of proper drainage system and try to fix their mistakes. They will recover their houses and find a way to prevent similar damage through their own experience. Therefore experience give people valuable knowledge to apply in real life.
In brief, people get knowledge from both books and experiences. Books help them to choose their occupation and opinion while experiences help them to reduce mistakes and find better ways to prevent similar problems. All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantage of knowledge gained from experiences far outweighs that of knowledge gained from books because experience is remembered for longer time and vividly.