음.. 전 토플 공부해본적은 없구요.. 학생.. 고2인데 이번 겨울방학때 빡세게 해서 볼려구 하거든요..^^;; 외국 살던 경험으로 문법이랑 몇개만 고쳐드릴게요^^:; 고수는 아니구요;; |
우선 인터넷은 항상 대문자이구요, 항상 the를 붙여야합니다. the Internet
Computers have become an extremely important part of human lives, and many people have used the internet to find information ranging from trivial to academic. However, people should not just trust the information found in the Internet. The Internet is unreliable because too much information makes it difficult to search information, and its information is not trustworthy.
To begin with, a huge amount of information in the Internet often prevents people from finding the information which they want. Filtering unwanted information requires too much time. For example, when I was a freshman in my colleage(스펠링 주의!), I was planning to travel (음.. 여행가다에서 travel은 좀 적절하지 않은듯하네요.. I was planning to have a trip to Japan 이 나을듯..) Japan and I was(이부분은 제가 확실할수는 없는데 be+ing and ing 이렇게는 안쓰는거같애요..) looking for the information about the(여기서 the는 들어가면 안됩니다. 처음 언급했으므로) famous places there. At first, I used the internet to get the(요기도 the는 없어야됨) information. However, there was too much information which is(was로 바꿔야됩니다. 시제일치) not relevant to my purpose. I had to send(spend의 오타..겠죠??) a large amount of time to filter advertisements and unrelated information. However, in the library, I easily found the book(여기서는 그냥 I easily found books about이 나을것 같네요) about what I wanted. If I had tried the library first, I could have avoided wasting the(요기도 the는 노노~) time.
In addition, the(여기도 the는 있어서는 안되죠. 전체적인 information을 말하는 거니까요) information provided by the internet is unreliable. It is obvious that anyone can make a web-site with the(요기도 the는 노노~) information which is not proven. Therefore, the internet often provides wrong information. For instance, when my computer had a problem with the operation software, I found the solution in a web-site in the internet. After I followed the steps of the solution, however, my computer was broken(여기서는 totally broke down이 나을듯.. was broken하면 아예 형체가 부서졌다고 생각이 되거든요..). It was not able to even be turned on.(이 문장은 It was not even able to be turned on.으로.. even의 위치) Thus, I should have called and paid a computer engineer to fix it, and he noticed me(왜 me가 들어가죠??) that the steps which I followed were actually the steps which break a computer. If I had found the(여기도 the는 노노) correct information from a computer manual, I could have saved my money. -> Thus I should have called 이 문장이요.. I should have called라고 하면 불렀어야됬는데 라는 뜻이 됩니다. 그런데 뒷문장에 그는 내가 따라한 스텝들이 컴퓨터를 망가뜨리는 것이란것을 notice했다. 이러면 말이 안되죠. 나는 컴퓨터 수리공을 불러서 고치게 해야됬었고 그는 내가 따라한 스텝들이 컴퓨터를 망가뜨리게 하는것을 알아차렸다. .... 말이 안되죠..
In brief, it is hard to regard the internet as a valuable source of information because of its difficulty to search and lack of accuracy. People should consider this fact when they use the internet. -> 결론이 좀 짧지 않나요...??;;
제가 아직 공부를 안해서.. 내용면에서는 모르겠네요^^;; 허접하지만 그래도 보시고 열공하세요^^;; |