▶ Your Answer :
It is said that whether the people will success or not depends on their parents’ method of education people's success depends on the parents' method of education. Some of them even says strict regulations are essential for success. Personally, I believe that it is better not to set the rigid rules. I feel this way for two reasons, which I’ll explore in the following essay for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, severe regulations can harm the kids’ own creativity. If parents force their kids to follow the strict rules, they will lose their freedom to imagine or experience what they want. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was seven years old, I made a huge mess playing with flour and water in the kitchen. My father was so mad about this and started to make rigid rules to control my playfulness my behavior. He was so scary that I could not help sticking to the regulations. Consequently, I become an adult who is well-regulated, but I feel like my creativity is below the average. As a person working in an advertisement company, lack of creativity is deadly to my job brings about negative impact in terms of working. Last week, there was a special task in my company which required creative mind. I really worked hard to get a good result but it was nearly impossible to do so. Were my parents not that much strict on obeying the rules, my creativity would be much better become better.
Secondly, parents need to respect the kids’ opinion. If parents set rigid rules without considering kids, the relationship between parents and kids will be demolished. For example, a friend of mine was raised by severe parents who placed strong emphasis on discipline. They disregarded her opinion and strictly educated her as they wanted their child to grow up successfully. Unfortunately, the relationship between my friend and her parents was broken in doing so. She sever all the contacts with her parents when getting into college used her parents' opinion even in entering the college. They could not repair their relations so far as my friend was deeply disappointed with her parents’ so-called discipline. As a result, strict rules guaranteed neither success, nor the relationship between parents and their daughter.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that requiring the children to obey the rigid regulations established by parents is not beneficial to their success. This is because strict Strict (독립형 에세이에서는 this is because같은 표현은 좋지 않습니다) rules can destroy the kids’ creativity, and because they are fatal to relationship between parents and children. brings about negative influence on the relationship between parents and children.
점수: 20 일단 지금 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 전체적으로 에세이가 모호하게 설명을 하고 있다는 것 입니다. 설명 자체가 모호하다 보니 각 단락들을 통하여서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어렵습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 필요한 것은 좀 더 구체적으로 자신의 주장을 전달하는 것 입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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