▶ Your Answer : Fun
activities
Some people think that for meaningful traveling, good friends or
weather is important. However, in my opinion, there should be more emphasis on
fun activities rather than friends or weather. There are two reasons. Firstly, you can experience diverse activities through traveling. Secondly, effect of good friends or weather is not that big for good trip. for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 서술할 것이기 때문에 인트로에서 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다)
To begin with, one of the most special
characteristic of traveling is that you can do activities which is unique in
that place. So, you can get a diverse experiences which you could not have done
before through different activities, people can get a diverse experience (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하면 안됩니다). I believe experience is one of the most essential factors of success in
this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge. Their views will be so
narrow. By doing fun activities during traveling, they can not only gain
diverse experiences but also broaden their horizon of the world. For example,
my friend, Mary was passive and low-confident student and she felt tedious with
her monotonous repetitive life. But However, in this winter vacation, she went
traveling to Singapore to Singapore to travel. In there, she did bungee jumping and surfing for the
first time and she felt the sense of freedom. As a result, she became more
energetic and confident student. Likewise, other students will be able to make
a nice memories and gain energy after doing fun activities in travel.
On top of that, travel partner and weather do not have much effect on good
traveling. Although weather is bad, you can make a travel more special and you
can enjoy the trip alone. However, without fun activities, that trip would be
meaningless. To give an anecdote, I went to travel with my best friends when I
was 18 years old. The weather was also gorgeous. But sadly, one of my friends,
Jason broken broke his leg, we cannot do any fun activities. Thus that trip is remaining
a boring memory to me. However, two months before, I went backpacking trip
alone. Although it had been raining a lot, I could do a lot of activities I
want to do. As a result, that trip became the opportunity to raise the spirit
of independence and the meaningful memory in my life compared to the previous
traveling.
To sum up, you can get various experiences through exiting
activities during traveling. Moreover, fun activities has a greater impact on
good traveling rather than good friends or nice weather. In this regard, I
firmly believe that doing fun activities should be prioritized in traveling for
the reasons I mentioned above.
점수: 23 일단 알아두셔야 하는 것은 독립형 에세이에서 you를 서술하면 안됩니다. you가 서술하게 되는 경우에는 에세이 자체가 너무 구어체로 변합니다. 따라서 이러한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 도한 지금 이 에세이는 어색한 표현들이 있는데. 이러한 표현들은 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |