▶ Your Answer :
It is of worth to discuss whether or not teachers should be paid the same base pay as other professionals like doctors and lawyers similarly in comparison to other professionals such as doctors and lawyers. The answer to this question can vary depending on individual’s stance. From my perspective, I agree with the notion because of several reasons for the following subsequent reasons.
First of all, teacher’s role is important as other occupations’ role such as doctors and lawyers. This is attributed to the fact that teaching students is one of the most important things that improve society to improve the society. It is because young Young (it is because는 적절치 않습니다) students have various and huge possibilities to become anything they want to be. And realizing these potential power in students is teacher’s role. For example, according some interviews with professionally successful people, such as doctors and lawyers, they say that the main cause of their accomplishment is their teachers. This indicates that teacher’s role is so important that they deserve to earn as much money as doctors and lawyers.
Second, teachers works longer time than any other professionals work longer (teachers는 복수 주어 입니다). Although teachers have vacations, they give lessons during the vacation and take care of their student after they get off work. And, surprisingly, they have to take care of their students after the work or students’ graduation. (좀 더 이유에 대하여서 구체적으로 서술하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다) For instance, I sometimes recall my middle school teacher who payed attention to her students even after students’ graduation. When I was in high school, I used to visit her to ask something about my future. At that time, she always gave me useful advice whenever I was worried. As this demonstrate, the working hours of teachers is much longer than it of any other jobs.
To conclude what I mentioned above, I agree that Teachers should be paid the same base pay as other professionals like doctors and lawyers since the role of teachers is valuable and teachers spend long time on their working.
점수: 22 일단 공통적으로 마무리 부분이 아쉽게 끝나고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 좀 더 명확하게 마무리 부분을 끝내 주시길 바랍니다. 지금 이 에세이는 두 번째 단락 같은 경우에 있어서는 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 부족합니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 서술하시고 난 후 에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다. 또한 어색한 표현들이 있으니 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |