▶ Your Answer :
Most people work when they become adults. And some of them say that they work because they need money for a living to live. I think one of other reasons that people work is because of their fame. I will explain about this for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, we cannot buy fame by money. (So?) To be specific, fame is hard to get. It needs deep experience of work and cognition of society. So only very a few people can get this. Also, many people have dream that is to get of achieving great fame this. For instance, I will give an example about my father. My father is a professor in university. Professors don’t earn much money but many people want to be professors because of the fame. My father doesn’t earn a lot of dollars as well but he is satisfies with his job because he always wanted to be professor in the past. When teaching students in the university, he feels happy because students often show admiring admiration toward him.
On top of that, fame can make meet many people. (wrong grammar) To explain, many people want to meet a person with fame in real-world. Some people regard as one person who has a great fame is their role-model in one’s life. (What does it mean?) Therefore they want to meet their idol. For example, I will talk about my father again. He is a professor as I mentioned before. Last Sunday, our family went to a restaurant to have dinner. When we ordered, the cook came to our table and said to my father that he was her role-model when she was a student. (It's a sudden development in the story, we need some steps here) They talked long time after meeting. We could eat luxuriant food for free thanks to my father and the cook. She said she had never thought she could meet my father again and when she met him, she felt that she had to appreciate show her admiration for him for teaching a good life lesson because my daddy affected her life a lot. (How?)
In sum up, any person cannot buy a fame. Fame is only through hard working during one’s career. Moreover, fame allows one to meet a lot of people everywhere. In this regard, I think the fame is the reason why people work as I mentioned above.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-18 | - 어휘의 쓰임이나, 문장의 구조가 다소 단순한 편입니다.
- 아버지의 사례에서 어느 학교의 professor인지 적어주시면 좋겠네요. - 선생님이 왜 명예직인지 서술해주시기를 바랍니다.
- 두개의 일반동사는 이어서 쓰이지 않습니다. - 어느 가르침에 보다 감사하게 느꼈는지 스토리텔링해주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
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