▶ Your Answer : An intriguing topic of discussion at hand
is whether traveling alone or traveling with a tour guide is better. It may seem true
that traveling with a tour guide is wide; however, with in-depth analysis the
statements seems rather too far-fetched. Although people may hold different
ideas and opinions, I personally support the idea that traveling alone on
account of two reasons is more beneficial for the following two subsequent reasons.
For one, traveling the world where not used
to might be a good experience for build new relationships To begin with, people can build new relationship. Usually, a lot of
people are (동사가 없습니다) afraid of someone could not speak English. who cannot speak English So, some could not build a deep
relationship with a foreigners or form shallow relationship by support of tour
guide. However, for my experience, when I went to the Singapore, I challenged conversation
with people who live there without any help. Therefore I could build good relationship
with them. Thanks to my active participation, I could learn their cultures and
opinions directly and vividly.
Second, some people believe that traveling
is not difficult and easy thanks to the tour guides. Because they don’t need to
worry about the schedules. Therefore they rarely feel the preciousness of traveling
process, which is searching information about one’s destination in travel.
However, I personally think that meaning of traveling could be earned by own
effort one can independently build a tour plan to travel without help from others (앞 문장은 필요하지 않는 부분에 있어서 장황하게 설명하고 있습니다 따라서 필요가 없습니다). To illustrate, before I departure to the America alone, I searched a
lot of information and made whole schedules for all knight night (night가 밤새동안이란 단어 입니다). Actually, I felt nerves
because of less confidence about myself. However, when I found right destination, I
got confidence and fulfillment about what I did. What I want to say is by
forming prior knowledge about places, we can feel braveness and confidence.
In a nutshell, although whether traveling
alone or traveling with a tour guide is open to interpretation, it seems
reasonable to claim that traveling alone, because of the two reasons discussed
in this essay has more benefits with regard to benefits mentioned above.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 완젖ㄴ히 한 단락이 불필요한 부연설명으로 통합 될 정도로 필요 없는 문장들이 많습니다. 이러한 부분은 에세이를 장황하게 만들 뿐만아니라 에세이가 원레 전달하려고 했던 본질 까지도 흐트려지게 만듭니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 구체적이고 간결하게 본인의 주장을 전달하는 것 입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |