▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that it is really
important to take risk or changes for success. However, I personally disagree
with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First of all, people
who take risk or changes for success can not deal with possible problems.
People who have careful planning, on the other hands, handle problems with tact
as well as achieve their goals, which makes successive life. To give you an
idea, we should adapt fast tempo at the mercy of situation because we're living
in a fast changing world. If you don't have a careful plan, we are not able to
handle possible problems well. For example, in spite of fact that one of my cousins, Dayoung, didn't have any plans, she
went to Canada in order to study English. Because she never thought what she
learns and where she live beforehand, it was hard for her to live there and to
get a job. Eventually, she gave up her goal and came back to Korea. On the
other hands, one of my friends, Choi, already had plans to get a doctoral
degree in Canada and finally achieved. Therefore, we should have careful
planning for success rather than a high-risk attempt. Moreover, there is a
high possibility that high-risk attempts and changes can devastate the quality
of our life by experiencing failure. To be specific, a lot of people fail to
achieve what they want to get without carful preparedness. According to
research done by the University of Guelph, 90% of respondents who run a
business without any planning said that they were out of business, which makes
them unsatisfied. It shows that they should make a plan for success about
important affair and careful planning can increase the satisfaction of life. In conclusion, in
order to achieve goals successively, careful planning is really important in
that it can reduce the number of possible problems, which leads to success. In
addition, it can augment the degree of satisfaction for people by reducing the
number of failure. In this regard, I personally think that we should have
meticulous and careful planning for success.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽히 숙지한 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명들을 통하여서 왜 성공하기 위해서는 조심한 계획이 필요한지를 구체적으로 잘 설명하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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