▶ Your Answer :
People
try to gather as much information as possible when they are considering a major
purchase. There are several sources where they can earn information, such as
friends, magazines, and online reviews. It is still arguable whether which
source affect affects (source는 단수 주어 입니다) people’s choice the most. In my opinion, I think recommendation
from friends have the greatest impact on people making an important choice. has the greatest impact on people's choice for the following two subsequent reasons.
First,
out of all three options, friends are the most credible source of information.
People have decent level of credibility with their friends. Unlike other
relationships, people can share their true thoughts and ideas about critical
issues. On the other hand, magazines and online reviews are questionable if the
information given are really true. Magazines often aggrandize the advantages
and deceit the disadvantages of certain products, since they are trying to
advertise the products. Similarly, online reviews have high probability of
errors because they are anonymous. Some customers may write fake information
since nobody knows who wrote the reviews.
Second,
it is easier to gather information from friends rather than from magazines or
online communities. Between friends, there are no impediments for collecting to collect
their opinions about products. Since friends are close to each other, they will
certainly share their thoughts about making the crucial purchase. However,
there is a possibility that magazines and online reviews are not easily
achievable. Magazines are normally focused on advertising. As a result, it may
be a challenge to search for appropriate magazines which can offer the needed
information. Moreover, online reviews may not even exist if the product is
recently launched. Even if people ask questions online, there is a rare chance
to get a reply.
Finally,
friends are the quickest source to get information compared with the others. If
someone wants to ask for his friend’s thought about a product, all he needs to
do is contacting to the friend by making a phone call or sending a text
massage. Nevertheless, it takes time to find out the information from magazines
or online reviews. Not many people these days read magazines compared with the
past. People might have to go all the way to the bookstore in order to find
magazines, which is a waste of time. Plus, there are millions of information
online. People will have to look through the sea of information, which will
also cost huge amount of time.
In
conclusion, I suggest that recommendation from friends has the greatest impact
on people’s choices compared with magazines and online reviews.
점수: 23 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있습니다. 각 단락에서는 무조건 친구의 조언이 왜 중요한지에 대한 부분만 중점을 두시길 바랍니다. 다른 두 부분에 단점에 대한 중점을 두는 것 보다는 왜 이러한 조언이 중요한지를 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 이유가 세 가지여서 그런지 명확하게 자신의 주장을 전달하지 못하는 것 같습니다. 따라서 두 가지로 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |