▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents should set children
free so that they can act as what they want. However, in my opinion, I think
parents should set strict rules for their children for the following subsequent
reasons.
To begin with, children will learn what to do
and not to do under rigorous standard established by parents. Present societies
represent very complicated structures which contains many people and cultures,
with rigorous standard containing people from different background. For example, in my apartment we always recycle the garbage
only on Wednesday. However, I have seen one child that throw his ice cream away
on the street and his mother scolded him throwing his ice cream away on the street in which his parents put punishment. This is because the child had been
put the general concept of rules. I thought the child would learn the
importance of the rule and decide not to do this kind of commitment again after
he taught by his mother. This is why children are need Children are needed (this is why는 적절한 표현이 아닙니다) to be learned under
forceful regulation from the initiative term of their life. It will make our
life and surrounding better.
On top of that, rigid
standards give children right direction to achieve their goals. Children are
too young to set their goals and following requirements. However, under the parents’
instruction, they can properly set the way to accomplish what they want. For instance,
many children in Korea are known as they study more than university students to study more in comparison to university students.
This is attributable to their parents, setting their child’s dream to be respectful
person. They even send their child to foreign country to study abroad. Children
are not able to determine their future job properly, and the way to accomplish
without their parents. Also, they might give up easily just because they are
tired or bored of studying it continuously.
To sum up, rigorous
frame on children’s life will be very helpful for them to learn the way to
absorbed be absorbed in society and they can set their life-scale goals more appropriately
with parents’ aid. In this regard, I believe parents should set strict rules
for their children.
점수: 25 일단 지금 이 에세이는 부분적으로 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 부연설명들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 에세이가 장황해 지다 보면 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질 되게 됩니다. 따라서 좀 더 이러한 문장들을 재외하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 재외하면 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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