▶ Your Answer :
Universities pay attention to the improvement of students` campus life by spending on facilities or system. Their proper financial support is crucial for their students. Many people think that monetary supporting for improving to improve classes and libraries is the most important. However, in my opinion, it is significant that not only classes and libraries but also sports and social activities as equal. should be invested for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, sports and social activities will generate a synergy effect with a study. Students repeat the same routine every day. If they spend monotonous times every day by studying at classes and libraries, it could be mundane and get stress. Investment of university for sports and social activities could make a chance which student could relieve stress or revitalize to relieve stress. Decreasing stress allows students to study again effectively. For instance, students who have a similar problem can share their problems with each other by attending social activities like a volunteer program. When they share distress, students can feel better regarding their concerns. On the other hands, they can relieve stress by joining a football club. By exercising, they can get rid of stress. Such all of activities help students have a more healthy campus life than a student who only studied at classes or libraries.
On top of that, sports and social activities help students meet a variety of people. Only studying at classes and libraries can narrow the perspective of students. If the university provides sports and social activities with financial supporting, students can solve this problem. Those who like a senior or peer of similar age can give a positive impact on students. For example, students can gain useful knowledge by a senior the same major or the same university. The senior can give advice regarding the field because they already went through an experience that students may suffer. Getting a useful knowledge lead leads (ing뒤에서는 단수 동사로 에세이를 서술하셔야 합니다) students to broaden perspective. In my case, when I was a freshman at my university, I can gain know-how about my major through a mentoring program. It is highly helpful for me and I could choose an appropriate way with respect to my major.
To sum up, spending money on sports and social activities needs to create a synergy effect for students. Moreover, it is helpful to acting in sports and social activities for students because they can get a good opportunity that can meet many people. In this regard, sports and social activities are just as significant as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
점수 :22 일단 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 전체적으로 설명 부분에 있어서 에세이 자체가 너무 모호합니다 .에세이가 모호하다고 느껴지는 가장 결정적인 이유는 각 단락에 설명들이 구체적이지 않습니다. 구체적이지 않다 보니 왜 이러한 스포츠 시설들이 대학에서 필요한지를 파악하기가 어려웠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |