▶ Your Answer :
When it comes to
plants, people have utilized as various objects a long time ago. Some plants
can provide shelter to people and others can serve as clothing or medicine. In
my opinion, plants that can give food are important to me for the following
subsequent two reasons.
To begin with,
the wheat and the rice have been human’s main food sources for a long time. From the past, plants such as wheat and rice are very significant as a food source. At
first, human deliberately had lived to forage had to forage easily near the region where the
plants grow. After all, mankind started to do farming to conveniently sustain
their lives because hunting is dangerous and there was a possibility that they
fail. Thanks to plants, human could survive in wild life. As time goes by, dependency about the wheat and the rice have
decreased in the present,has been decreased but the plants are still people’s important
source of carbohydrate. Instead of, people partake various other plants.
On top of that,
people can make delicious foods from plants. Tasty foods have many advantages (이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 하시길 바랍니다). For
example, in the case of Korea, there is a rice cake made rice. Rice cake is
very delicious and has sticky tasty. In the Korean market, a variety of rice
cakes exist. There are various colors, a wide range of tasty and a number of
textures of food. Such many kinds of rice cake make me happy. Furthermore, when
they move in, they divide rice cake into their neighborhood. In the situation,
they can be familiar with each other. It could develop into a good
relationship.
To sum up, human
has survived by consuming plants such as wheat, rice. Moreover, people can
enjoy eating many kinds of foods made plants. In this regard, I think that
plants are most crucial in light of food.
점수: 23 일단 두 번째 단락은 주제를 벗어난 거 같습니다. 본인이 서술한 이 이유는 주제를 전혀 서포트 하지 못하고 있습니다. 주제를 서포트 하지 못할 뿐아니라 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 또한 전체적으로 지금 이 에세이는 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 장황하게 만들어 주기 때문에 좀 더 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |