▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that think that it is important to work quickly and risk making mistakes. However, I believe that it is more important to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct for the following two subsequent reasons. .
First of all, working slowly without mistakes makes people to get trust from their supervisors get trust (make 뒤에는 항상 단수 동사 입니다). Understanding people at work and the potential role of working slowly is necessary to substantiate this view (어떤 부분에 있어서 입증할 수 있다는 것인지를 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다). People sometimes work as fast as they can because they want to do many things fast and go home early. When they work without making sure about their work, there must be problems. If this pattern repeats, supervisors do not give works to those people and trust their workers. For example, a friend of mine usually handled many tasks simultaneously and quickly. Even though he made mistakes when working, he could not realized that there are problems until he reported to his manager. realize the problem.. So, he was blamed every time he made mistakes and even the manager did not want to assign works to him. However, after he worked with making sure that everything was correct, he did not make any mistakes. Finally, he gained the manager's confidence.
On top of that, people who work quickly and risk making mistakes would have problems when they have big projects. In response to the increasing importance of works and mistakes, many expert opinions and research statistics reinforce the idea that people who usually make mistakes must make mistakes even when they have a important project. Experts say that it is difficult for people to change their working habit. In other words, people work as they worked before. And they say that they work without checking problems when they have a important work. For example, a couple of years ago, an employee who worked at the Samsung Electronics made a critical mistake. He transfer more money transfers more money to other company than the he was supposed to send, causing a big damage to the Samsung Electronics. Later, it is known that he usually made mistakes at work.
To sum up, I believe that it is important to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for two reasons I mentioned above.
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이는 전체적으로 입증한다고는 하였으나 입증해야하는 부분에 있어서 많은 부족함을 보여주는 거 같습니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 어떤 부분에 있어서 입증을 할 수 있는 지를 설득력 있게 풀어서 서술해주시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분 이외에는 전체적으로 자신의 주장을 잘 전달하고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |