▶ Your Answer : Long years ago, development developing
was considered as more important work than environment to our society. People
developed our countries thoughtlessly and many factories released gas fuel
excessively without strict rules. So our environment has been polluted by
people’s intervention and they did not realize what was wrong. However, nowadays,
people are aware of environmental problems and they try to preserve nature. So, I think that the condition of h environment will be get better in the coming years. First, people are aware
that environment is more most important than developing. Many decades Long years ago, people
pursued their own convenience without considering their environment, so people released
contaminant and threow away a lot of trashes unconsciously. However, people reflected
on their behavior and they tried to have an interest in environmental issues
after they knew that it is difficult to recover damaged nature. Also, they
realize that nature is a valuable heritage to pass down to next generation. So, people
are joining to Green peace which saves environment and endangered animals and
learning how to preserve our nature. For example, in my son’s kindergarten,
students are learning how to they protect their nature. So my son knows well about recyling and different practices to protect nature what
kind of trashes to be recycled and practice what he learns from school. Second, companies suggest
unique ideas to protect nature, and government disciplines companies which
release contaminant by law. The companies try to produce environmentally
friendly products by using recycles and organic matters which are broke down
easily?, and they invent facility to reduce exhaust. Also, the government regulates
the amount of exhaust which is released by companies. If a company releases exhaust
over the average, they have to pay fine. These actions show that people regard environment is
more important than development ing to countries. According to the report written by
the Seoul National University, it told that contamination factor has declined
compared to 10 years ago despite of striking rate of development ly developing. It means that the
companies, governments and people weigh their nature heavier than other things.
These days, all of the parts in our society are
aware that nature is the most valuable and we have to pass cleaner nature down to our
descendant. In the past, people damaged our environment unconsciously because
of convenience, but these days we know well how important our environment is. This is because our earth is only one and
there is nothing to substitute for our earth.
Fair/ Good (22-24)
두 본문 다 내용/이유/예시 괜찮습니다. 문법/ 철자/표현 오류 많습니다.
fuel은 연료로, 문맥에 맞지 않습니다.
첫번째 본문에서, 두 대상 비교는 more을 씁니다. long years ago도 틀리지 않았지만 many decades ago로 표현하면 몇 십년 전이라는 표현으로 쓸 수 있습니다. 과거/현재시제 동사 잘 맞추는 연습해주세요.
두번째 본문에서, 파란 부분 뜻을 이해하기 어렵습니다. 또한, 전체적으로 발전을 developing이라고 하셨는데 technology development, 혹은 그냥 development라고 해주세요. According to 입니다. strikingly developing은 말이 되지 않습니다. rapid development, striking rate of development, 등으로 해주세요. despite 혹은 inspite of 입니다. despite뒤에 of 붙이지 않습니다.
불필요한 문장 줄이는 연습, 문법 연습 해주세요.
내용이 괜찮아서 Fair/Good 드립니다.
수고하셨습니다~ |