▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that improving schools is not beneficial for progressing countries. They may think schools are just responsible for students’ education. However, in my opinion, improving schools is the most effective way for countries to develop. This is because schools can make people have commitment to their country and teach people to be able to deal with information. To begin with, schools can make people commit to their country. Generally, schools teach people to know about their social status. That is, people can get knowledge about what they have to do to help their country develop, and the more schools develop, the more people can have chances of studying. I have an example of my uncle’s experience. my uncle was a successful business man. However, he always spent his money only for on his own benefit. Since he did not graduated from any schools, he did not know about his social responsibility. One day, one of his friend recommended him to go to school and he started to study. After finishing his schools, he changed a lot. He realized his social status by studying his society and began to spend his money on developing of his community. On top of that, schools teach people to cope with information. Information is a very a important factor to develop countries since it brings a bunch of economic benefits. Well-managed schools can help people get knowledge to deal with information. For instance, the Google is the one of the most biggest companies. the Google earns the money by providing diverse information, and the company gave a lot of economic benefits to its country. Larry, who made the company, said that he learned t about how to develop and manage information in his schools. Eventually, thanks to his schools, he could create his global company. To sum up, I think that developing schools is the best way to help its countries develop. This is due to the fact that schools can make people devoted to their country and people can be taught about how to manage information that can gave its countries benefits.
Good (24) 첫번째 본문의 이유에서 social status를 알면 사람들이 더 국가에 commit을 하는 이유에 대해서 더 자세히, 명확하게 설명해주세요. 이 글만 읽었을 때는 모호한 연결입니다. 혹은, school teach people to become dutiful citizens로 표현해주세요. 이때도 그 이유는 명확,자세히 포함하셔야 합니다. 두번째 본문 내용 괜찮습니다. 문법적으로, do 동사 뒤에는 현재 시제입니다. Google 앞에 the 붙이지 않습니다. one of the ~앞에 the 붙이지 않습니다. a very important factor에서 very는 important을, important은 factor을 수식합니다. 따라서, a를 그 사이에 넣지 않고 앞으로 빼는 것이 자연스럽습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |