▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, people get a lot of information from various news sources. Some people think that the news are good sources to get unbiased information. However, I do not agree with the opinion above because people who make news cannot be completely objective and news media pursue their own benefits. To begin with, people who make the news are not entirely unprejudiced to the fact that they deliver. Every person people has their own perspectives that are influenced by their circumstances such as family, friends, and religion. The news and resources are made by people and they cannot help but include ing personal opinion. For instance, I read a news article which had a favorable attitude towards the policy of furnishing facilities for the sexual minorities. I was not comfortable with this article even though I did not oppose the minorities. Later, I discovered that the newswriter who wrote that news was raised by gay father and he has been an advocate of the sexual minorities and participated in movements for them. On top of that, the news media pursue their own profits. The news companies have financial relationships with specific companies and they exaggerate the facts related to the companies to maintain their business. I have an example of my friend. My friend read an article which described advantages of a laptop notebook and bought it for his studying. However, it performed worse than he had expected. One month later, he found that the news company and computer company had a relationship economically. This shows that the news media do not provide people with objective and accurate information all the time.
To sum up, I believe that the news media is not a reliable source of unprejudiced information. This is because people who write the news always cannot deal with information objectively and the news companies seek their own benefits by having a relationship with other companies.
Good (24-27) 첫번째 본문에서, news article에 나온 the policy of furnishing facilities for the sexual minorities에 대해 더 자세히 서술해주세요. 예시에서 중요한 부분인데 설명되어 있지않아서 모호합니다.
every+명사 는 모두 단수 입니다. 명사도 단수로 써주세요.
두번째 본문에서, 컴퓨터 노트북은 laptop으로 씁니다. a notebook은 공책입니다.
둘 다 personal experience라서 좀 아쉽네요. 첫번째 예시의 경우, I read an article이 아니라 000's news company had this incident~식으로 좀더 객관적으로 표현하는 방식으로 객관성을 높여주면 글의 설득력이 높아집니다.
수고하셨습니다~ |