▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think the best films are
those that provide lessons about real life. However, films do not don’t have to
contain lessons influencing our life. That is because most of people watch
movies in order to spend spare time as an entertainment.
To begin with, people want to watch movies
for fun. The main reason why people watch movies is to have a fun. By focusing
on a movie’s story during the time people watch a movie, people can release their
stress from daily life. That is why we categorize a movie industry as one of an
entertainment industry. For example, Hollywood box office charts for years show
that most of popular movies are very entertaining rather than lessons learning.
Scientific fiction, animation, action and thriller are the most b beloved genre
in these days. This Which shows why people go to theater to watch movies obviously.
Whenever I go to a movie theater, I tend to get excited and focus on the movie without
any thinking because it is it’s the best way to release stress which I get from my
works and daily life.
On top of that, we have other ways to get
lessons in these days. Providing lessons is not a main purpose of watching film.
That is because film was originally designed in order to give people an entertainment.
Industrial revolution let people have more free time to spend. Therefore,
people started to enjoy playing sports, going travels and watch movies. If the
best films contain messages which influence people by showing important lesson,
people would get stress during watching it. Most of people want to find a fun
from of movies rather than a lesson. In addition, there is a documentary form of
movie showing historical facts, natural environment and wild animals. If people
want to have meaningful lessons, it is it’s better to watch documentaries rather than
films.
In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that tThe best films are those that provide lessons about real life. First of all, the main reason for watching it is to have a fun. Moreover, there are so many ways to get lessons. Hence, the best films are those that we can find an entertaining from it.
Fair (22-23) 문법 실수 많으십니다.
축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not, it's--> it is
첫번째 본문에서 세번째 줄 문장, 내용에 불필요합니다.
끝에서 네번째 줄 문장에서, which 구는 앞문장 수식이고 완전한 문장이 아닙니다. , which 로 이어 주시던지 this 같은 것으로 바꿔주세요.
첫번째 본문 내용이 모호합니다. sf, animation, action~ 영화를 좋아해서 영화를 보러간다는 말은 충분한 이유가 되지 않습니다. 이미 영화를 좋아한다는 전제가 깔려있기 때문입니다. 또한, 왜 best film이 교훈이 없어도 되는지에 대한 이유도 되지 않습니다.
두번째 본문에서, 마지막에 차라리 다큐멘터리를 보는데, 그 이유에 대해서 서술해주세요. 모호합니다.
전체적으로 이유와 예시는 괜찮은데 그것을 이어주고, 이유를 뒷받침하는 설명들이 모호하고 부실합니다. 좀더 본인의 주장과 연결되고 뒷받침할 수 있도록 쓰는 연습 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~
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