Getting job in which you work with other people is better than getting job in which you work alone. |
Some people say that getting jobs in which you work alone is better. (do not copy the essay question) They insist that working alone makes sure a person’s full creativeness and a personal liberty. However I totally agree with working together for following reasons. First, working with other people makes a synergy effect. Second, working together can be satisfied with employees’ sociality. I will explain in detail. Most importantly, working with others can cause better outputs. Of course, working alone can make innovative and good effects. However, an average man or woman’s abilities is not infinite. In fact, we bring about synergy effects by cooperating with other people. Let me take my college years for example. When I was a freshman at my college (in the first year of college), I had a team project which had a considerable influence on my grade in 'plans of business'. At first, our members were worried about this assignment because of lack of contents, leadership and distribution of roles. However, as time flies(시간이 흘러감에 따라서), these anxieties have proved needless. After we elected a senior man as a leader, we could solve systematically and fix a series of problems together by orders of the team leader. Consequently, we got an A+ for this subject and we were satisfied with our success. This is because we overcame a number of disadvantages (이해를 못하겠어욤..) and acted as one(하나로서 행동했기 때문). This shows that working together can make synergy effect. Next, we can satisfy our social need by working together. Obviously, people are able to enjoy more spare time by working alone. However, people love naturally to enjoy their life with others. Indeed, we can gain more social fun by getting jobs in which you work with other people. When I was in college, I took a year off to attend a marketing which is my major internship. Certainly, I was able to love the given work which is connected with my major and develop my major background knowledge. However the most importantly earning was not fun or knowledge but social satisfy (rewrite this sentence). Working in workplaces, I am always able to see men and women who had big confidence and passion toward their jobs, exchanging diverse opinions, learning how to do for my developments, and being satisfied with others by doing pleasant activities. By doing so, we were able to relieve stress from hard working and be pleased social need. In this sense, we can satisfy our social need by working with others. To sum up, I agree that getting job in which you work with other people is better than getting job in which you work alone for the reasons that I had mentioned above. First, working with other people makes better effects. Second, working together can satisfy our social need by working together.
두번째 body에는 빨간색으로 하이라이트 안했습니다.. 머리가 아파서요... 잘 쓰셨는데요... 몇 가지 말 하자면.. 단어 사용이 좀 그렇습니다.. 그리고 명사가 복수 인가 단수 인가 생각하셔야 겠구요... 문장 structure을 어떻게 정할 것인지 먼저 생각하시고 하시는게 좋은 듯 합니다... 단어 수준은 높은 편이네요... 그럼 허졉이 그냥 첨삭(?) 했습니다.. |