As the modernization boostered and people want every thing to be done fast, It is crucial to move fast and finish the work quickly in order to survive in this modern society. That is the key point of success of big companies and famous people. However, I place more value on life at a slower pace. When we take our time and do things slowly, we can have a better result on what we do, and make us healthier.
~As the modernization boostered~ 지금도 진행이 되고 있기 때문에 boosters 를 써주세요. be 동사 + -ing 를 쓰지 않은 이유는 가장 앞에 as 가 붙었기 때문입니다.
~fast, It is~ 콤마를 한 후에는 대문자로 시작하지 않아요. it 그대로 입니다.
~...make us healthier~ 콤마 전에 나왔던 문장과 목적어가 다를 경우에는 주어를 생략할 수 없습니다. ~and it makes us healthier~ 로 해주시거나, 목적어를 일치시켜서 ~make it healthier.~로 해주세요.
To begin with, keeping slow life pace, provide us qualiter results on the task we do. For example, When I was 16, I had an assignment on oil painting. I had to finish my painting by next day and even though I have had plenty of time, I rushed and completed my assignment very quickly because I wanted to hang out with my friends. As a result, I have got C for my oil painting assignment. It was really depressing because I alway got A on art class. So, I took plenty of time on my next project, and I could get an A.
~pace, provide..~ 콤마 필요 없습니다! 빼주세요.
~ I could get an A.~ 이 상황에선 ~I was able to get an A~ 라고 해주시는게 글의 흐름에는 더욱 정확할 듯 하네요.
Furthermore, live slower life equals live healthier life. We can keep our health by do things slowly. For instance, Korean and Japanese have similar appearance, very resembling culture, and both eat rice for their main dish. However, surprisingly, the average life span of Korean and Japanese is very much diffrent. The research showed that average Japanese live about 82 which is 5 years longer than the average life span of Korean. And and expert explained that this diffrences come from the life pace. Koreans tend to do things very quickly whereas Japaneses tend to do things very slowly.
~live slower life~ 명사의 자리에 동사가 왔군요. 이 경우에 쓰이는게 동명사입니다. living으로 바꾸어서, ~living slower life equals...~이렇게 해주세요. 뒤에도 ~living healthier life~로요. 그런데 equals 보다는, means 가 더 나은 동사같기도 하네요.
~resembling culture, and both eat rice for their main dish.~ culture 의 한부분이 식생활이죠. 그렇기 때문에 and 부터는 없애시는게 좋을 것 같아요. culture의 example 이 될 수는 있지만, 한가지의 공통점으로는 culture가 다 포함하고 있기 때문입니다.
~And and ..~ 앤드가 두번 들어갔네요.. 허헛;; 말 안해드려도 어떻게 아실지 아시겠죠..
~whereas~ 무슨 단어인지.. 제생각엔 when 이 들어가야 할 것 같네요.
In conclusion, it is certain that live slow life is much better than live in the busy world. Living slow life help us to get better results, and keep us healtier. Some people might say that this life is waste of time and boring, but I want to tell them nothing is more important than enjoy your life and keep your health.
~live slow life~ 마찬가지로, ~living slow life~ 혹은 ~living lfe slowly~
~Livig slow life help~ 3인칭명사기 때문에, helps 죠.
~Enjoy your life and keep your health~ 마찬가지로, 동명사 사용 잊지 마세요. ~ Enjoying your life and keeping your health~
마지막으로 하나 지적해 드릴게 있다면 "동명사" 의 사용법을 잘 익혀 두시구요, 동사를 주어 자리에 쓸 수 없다는 거 (동명사의 형태가 아니라면!) 꼭 기억해 두시는게 좋아요. 저도 이번 달 마지막 쯤에 보는데.. 열심히 하세요 ^ㅡ^ 좋은 결과 있으시길..
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