그냥 써본거라 토플에서 원하는 폼이랑은 차이가 있긴한데요.
문법이 약해서 표현이 제대로 된건지 모르겠어요.
문법적으로 크게 문제가 보이는지 봐주세요.
Why do people enjoy watching TV? According to a research, watching TV is the dilettante life people have the most in their spare time. Because it is fun, interesting and exciting. Moreover the world of unknown fantasies is unfolded endlessly in there without needing to think concretely or logically and it is possible to watch with receptive attitude comfortably. And they can see the bottom of the sea or other world on TV out of the real world around, and also expand their cultural experiences such as arts, music, play and science, etc. However watching TV doesn’t always have merits. According to a statistics of the
First off, watching TV affects the development of brain cell. Because human brain makes all of its basic frame and circuit until the age three, so steady stimuli through five senses are indispensable. However since watching video keep providing only stimuli of seeing and hearing, it affects children at their babyhood who need various stimuli. Also the gorgeous TV or video screen hinders the formation of cranial nerve circuit, and is dangerous making their brain passively. In other words, excessive speedy screen and gorgeous stimuli are inappropriate and too heavy for little kids. From this point of view, AAP (American Association Pediatrics) advises not to have infants under their age of two watch TV at all and not to place TV in bed room for kids more than their age of two and for parents to inform doctor their kids’ contact hours with mass media along with their medical history, with the influence of watching TV on kids’ mental, social and physical health being considered.
Second, it affects the development of emotion and sociability. Children having a lot of indirect experiences i.e. watching televion or video since young have in sociability development more self-oriented interests than other-oriented ones. In other words, since they mainly view the world from their own perspectives rather than other’s positions, they may lack of sociability. In addition, they may lack of sympathy with other’s pain, which delays the development of prosocial morality. And if exposed to negative feeling, they come to lack of controlling it and have reduced ability to sympathize with other’s feeling. It is because, although in reality they can have stimuli, experiences and relationships they don’t want, through television they choose what they want or feel comfortable by the selection of channels and avoid other stimuli, phenomena of the unbalanced diet of experience cannot but occur. Consequently, they get self-centered and lack of chance to develop sympathy with other’s emotion which may have negative influence on the development of their morality and sociability.
Third, it also affects physical development. Although watching television or video is the simplest way to get vicarious satisfaction or mental rest, many researches point out that kids may come short of exercise time due to watching television or video and fall short of desire for physical activities. In other words, their body itself gets very weaker so they come to lose eagerness to work out and lack of vitality. In addition, since they are sitting in one posture for long hours, it may affect the growth of the backbone or bones of growing children and there is the harmfulness of electromagnetic waves generated in screen, and long watching in a short distance worsen their eyesights and increase their fatigue in the eyes. Especially watching television or video under dark lighting may lessen their eyes’ adaptability due to insufficient brightness and the improper brightness of color tone or adjustment of light and shade may harm the retina.
Fourth, it affects motivation to study. Children are the ones who are very curious about new stimuli around them from very early days and continue to try to make the new things theirs. They have this tendency since their birth instinctively so they constantly explore and learn environment by themselves which becomes the motive power for pursuing new things endlessly. However, if these kids get accustomed to television or video from infant days, it is very likely that they grow up as significantly passive children. Study results that show the learning ability of elementary school kids who have watched TV a lot is reduced and their thinking ability falls supports this tendency. Excessive watching of television or video reduces kids’ attention and concentration abilities and as they get used to passive watching attitude or viewing posture, they may form a type of attitude contrasted to active one necessary for learning, i.e. they would neither find out anything nor solve any problems by themselves or it causes laziness.
For these reasons, parents should set the limit to the hours their kids watch TV and guide them to desirable watching. To limit children’s TV watching hours, first, they should set up a schedule for watching TV. It is better for them to consult and decide the time range and amount of time to watch TV and the choice of programs and TV watching should be limited to small child and kids programs which would better not be more than an hour a day. In addition, providing family unit plays and activities they can enjoy instead of watching TV would be also a nice way, reducing TV watching hours little by little rather than at a stroke.