Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents can no longer control what their children do ; their behavior gets more influenced by television, movies, and other influence outside the home. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. |
"Control or release, that is the problem." This seems that Shakespeare might say if he had his children. As the world changes drastically, plenty of problems that make parents hard to control their children. According to that, I do agree with that parents can not control their children as much as they did long time ago. The rationales behind this are that children are exposed to lots of multimedia that makes them rebel and have tendency to be especial by and large.
~Shakespeare might say~ 말했을 것 같다, 는 가정법은, might have pp를 사용해주세요. ~Shakespeare might have said..~이렇게 하면 부드럽습니다.
~agree with that...~ 보다는, 강화시켜 ~agree with the statement that...~로.
~as much as they did...~ 예전에는 할 수 있었는데, 지금은 못한다 이렇게 말하는게 낫겠죠. ~as much as they were able to...~로.
First off, children are exposed to many things that make them rebel against their parents. Parents became hard to protect their children from a huge amount of bad things from television, movies or internet. For instance, there is channel named MTV which is literally popular to children or teenagers. However, MTV sometimes contains pretty bad stuffs such as bad behaviors of Hollywood stars. To use statistical information from local newspaper, 70% of parents have children said that MTV is not appropriate for children, as well as it makes parents really hard to control their children because they always want to do as Hollywood stars do.
~bad things~ 제가 언제나 말하는 거지만 정말 '필요'할때가 아닌 이상 thing 이라는 보캡은 쓰지 않는게 좋아요. 점수 매기는 사람은, 그만큼 표현력이 부족하다고 느끼거든요. things 보다는, 이 상황에선 influences가 좋을 것 같네요.
~There is channel~ 보다는, ~is a channel.~ 왜냐면 정확한 한 채널을 예로 드는 것이기 때문에.
~pretty bad stuffs~ stuff! 이것도 역시 thing 과 함께 "not to do" 리스트에 속합니다. (물론 제 기준에서요. 히히;) pretty는 구어체에서 쓰이는 것이기 때문에 에세이 라이팅에선 부적절합니다. considerably를 써주시는건 어떨까요.
Furthermore, Children have tendency to be special. Generally, children is inclined to be bad to get spotlight from their parents, teachers or peers. To illustrate, my cousin who is 11th grade in high school always wanted to be with their friends who use drugs. Because he wanted to be special among his friends, he crossed the bound for using drugs. Now, he is in hospital and getting treatment every other weeks.
~crossed the bound for using drugs~ -> ~crossed the bound with using drugs~
As I have shown above, I do believe that parents are no longer able to control their children easily. The time that children always follow their parents passed already. In this time, parents should focus on how to control and protect their children from bad things and tendency to be bad.
^ㅡ^ 도움이 되셨길 바래요.
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